Leesten op, vait a meenute, for dis is an impotent Wife Shaving Message. I knov evyone is heving demselfs a gut taym, bud dere is en emportent ishoe ve muust disuse. Trinking. Ve all trink a lot on Purim, azoy is der mitzveh goes. But many peoples is trinking too mach, and dey is getting in terriblish eccidents, drayving auf walls and op breedges. Dat is vy meny boards filled with rebbunim haff been metaken zein to be cairful when trinking on peerim for it is a metter of shaving wives.
Yes you tink you are just having two glaizlach or four or forty fayv, lekuved yom tuv, but den you get behint de will of a Linculn Cadillac and you are posidively endandgering other people’s wives. And den dere are the leetle cheeldren who ees becoming alogolics from their Purim treenking, hanging out all deys at Kiddush clubs and billiard halls und odder gang hangouts, smaking and trinking all day. Dese iz an urgency situasion and wives must be shaved immediately.
Dat is why in concortance with many great and powerful Rabunim, next yeer ve veel mayk a non-alcuhulic peerim, with non-alcuhulic malt beverages and graype jiss to shave the wives of many peeple who would be trinking and smeshing into things all over town. The Toyre sez, Ushmartem et Nafsoyshayhem, wid means, You gotta shave your own wife. But you also gotta shave the wives of others too. So dis Purim, shave your wife and shave everyone’s wives and do not get behind the will of a car while trinking and drayve. For I can tell you now, as I am weaving and smashing through peeple’s hedges all over Lakewood, whayle writing dis on my Blackberry, it is no good to drayv dis way. So be cairful, drayve without foist trinking, for the wife you shave may be your own.