Why Jewish Women Should Marry Muslim Men

Like all self-righteous idiots, I am completely and uncontrollably outraged by the letter of a bunch of Rebbetzins telling Jewish women not to marry Arab Muslim men. I’m so outraged that I can’t decide whether to eat a wheel of cheese or kick an ostrich.

How dare these awful people say there’s anything wrong with Jewish women marrying Muslim men?

Just look at all the reasons why Jewish women should marry Muslim men.

1. Domestic abuse is guaranteed by the Koran. If your husband is a devout Muslim then he will beat you. Because it’s in the Koran.

2. If he ever gets tired of you, polygamy is still legit in Islam. So better get used to sharing Jameel.

3. Don’t have daughters. If you do, first their clitoris will be cut off, and then their head if they ever dishonor the family by acting like teenage girls.

4. All your husband has to do to divorce you is recite a sentence in Arabic three times. He can also email it you or text it to you.

5. If you move to an Arab village and get raped, your rapists can accuse you of adultery. You can’t accuse them of rape.

6. Your mandatory body garment also doubles as a shroud when your husband decides to dispose of you.

7. Your children will grow up taught to murder Jews.

Great list, no? What’s there not to like. Come marry Abdul. No one will see the black eyes under the Niqab. And what do a bunch of stupid racist Rebbetzins know anyway.

Plus Rabbi Nezek Jihadi of the Masroti movement and 49 of his favorite goats have already signed on to a letter encouraging Jewish women to marry Muslim men. It’s great. It’s fun.

Once you marry a Muslim, you’ll never go back. Not unless you manage to sneak away in the middle of the night without being murdered.

11 thoughts on “Why Jewish Women Should Marry Muslim Men

  1. Rachel says:

    Minus the sarcasm, I would actually expect J-Street to publish something like this. They already encourage Jews to study the Koran to build bridges between us and the Muslims (I’m all for inter-faith dialogue and good relations…but why do we need to be reading their holy book and not our own in order to do that?).

  2. samuraimohel says:

    Cause their holy book is better than ours. It’s a book of peace, love and all about hugging people. And our book is a bunch of crazy fanatical things that no modern day person takes seriously.

  3. Harold Hecuba says:

    I’m actually surprised that providing ADVICE against marrying Muslim men to Jewish women, or any women who are not Muslim is NECESSARY. The first generations of women to ever overestimate themselves don’t believe in their own capacity to f*** up and make truly bad decisions. What can you expect from a generation with a mindset that is like, “Don’t hate my 200-lb ass in the ‘JUICY’ track pants because it’s beautiful!”? Some of their lessons will be hard and I don’t want to fund them with my tax $.

  4. lion says:

    It’s also stupid because it won’t work.

    Shaming language is an important cultural tool and very effective among women because they tend more to the political side of things.

    However, the reason many women are going for Muslim men is very simple, and very sad. It is because Muslim men are aggressive, dominating, somewhat amoral, and lustful. I.e. they exhibit male traits that attract women on a primal level.

    I’m beginning to think (just beginning – I haven’t made up my mind yet) that the idea of the Rebbetzin is just more modern feminism. A way for Jewish women to have their Torah and modern concepts of power via career at the same time.

    Anyway, it won’t work because women are simply wired to submit to men, they’ll rationalize their decisions in a hundred ways but that’s the real reason they go for it. Society can go into denial all it likes, but in the end you’re just going to see more and more of this as long as men in our culture continue to adopt feminine traits.

    There is such a thing as Judaic masculinity. Just read the Torah and the T’nach and you can see a great deal of it, but precious little of that is actually shown today.

    Straightforward, telling it like it is, fearing only Hashem, hands on, willing to get dirty when needed but always preferring to do things honestly. Stoic, yet knowing when and where to express emotion, filled with heart but directed by thought. Farmers and ranchers, but men of incredible emotion and intellect. Natural and civilized.

    That’s the ideal Israelite Man. Or איש ישראלי, as Rav Nahman would put it.

    What we have today is a feminized, castrated, powerless and frightened male. Every day he suffers more and more indignities to his identity and liberty, yet he shuts his eyes harder and mumbles gibberish to forget the truth. He expresses himself in meaningless pastimes because he has no other outlet for his frustrated nature. Whether he works as a disconnected yet socially approved office drone, or he’s checked out of society and just plays games all day, either way he’s a shadow of himself.

    It’s not all of us. I’ve known Reform Jews who totally embodied every trait I mentioned, but we have a real problem across the board.

  5. Julie says:

    I feel very disturbed after reading this. I am married a Jewish woman married to an Arab man who treats me like a Queen. Let me just say I would take my Arab man over any and all men in the world. This is a racist article. Have you any experience with Israeli men? They are rude and aggressive and lack passion.

  6. samuraimohel says:

    Julie, if you think he treats you like a queen now, just wait till he beheads you.

  7. adel says:

    racist article , full of lies there

  8. Patil says:

    Yes Julie samuraimohel is right

  9. Nana says:

    I could have barely swallowed my spit. This is actually so sadly true.
    I know a lot of Jewish girls who are now married to a Muslim guy and they regret every second of it and there is no way to go back..

  10. Jewish says:

    I agree with you. Jewish ladies are honest and faithful, this is right. I have to admit that Jewish girls are the most beautiful girls on this planet. Their mind is perfect. Most of them are beautiful in the heart and they believe in God. I like their attitude about relationship and marriage. Jewish women consider marriage as a lifeterm commitment. They select the best man to marry with. So, getting married with a Jewish girl is like a dream for every guy.

  11. MayEl says:

    Every word of this is true! Watch the documentary ‘The Third Jihad’, produced by a muslim himself! The act of rape in Saudi Arabia (now the centre of Islam) has no official punishment. Hundreds of women are raped daily, and are beaten by their husbands as if it’s their fault. Daughter’s throats are slashed for ‘bringing down the famlie’s reputation (a.k.a–growing up), mother’s and daughters always having to live in hiding. This is appalling. And yet these Muslim Arab men have something to which our awareness is lacked. They are manipulative snakes. They use their words and actions to treat you and make you believe that in ‘his’ eyes you are a queen. It seems beautiful at first, these women currently being strangeled by their husbands, sure, they’ll tell you about the beautiful places and gifts the man pampered them with. Up until the marriage. From then on it was a permanent knife aiming at her heart.

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