Like all self-righteous idiots, I am completely and uncontrollably outraged by the letter of a bunch of Rebbetzins telling Jewish women not to marry Arab Muslim men. I’m so outraged that I can’t decide whether to eat a wheel of cheese or kick an ostrich.
How dare these awful people say there’s anything wrong with Jewish women marrying Muslim men?
Just look at all the reasons why Jewish women should marry Muslim men.
1. Domestic abuse is guaranteed by the Koran. If your husband is a devout Muslim then he will beat you. Because it’s in the Koran.
2. If he ever gets tired of you, polygamy is still legit in Islam. So better get used to sharing Jameel.
3. Don’t have daughters. If you do, first their clitoris will be cut off, and then their head if they ever dishonor the family by acting like teenage girls.
4. All your husband has to do to divorce you is recite a sentence in Arabic three times. He can also email it you or text it to you.
5. If you move to an Arab village and get raped, your rapists can accuse you of adultery. You can’t accuse them of rape.
6. Your mandatory body garment also doubles as a shroud when your husband decides to dispose of you.
7. Your children will grow up taught to murder Jews.
Great list, no? What’s there not to like. Come marry Abdul. No one will see the black eyes under the Niqab. And what do a bunch of stupid racist Rebbetzins know anyway.
Plus Rabbi Nezek Jihadi of the Masroti movement and 49 of his favorite goats have already signed on to a letter encouraging Jewish women to marry Muslim men. It’s great. It’s fun.
Once you marry a Muslim, you’ll never go back. Not unless you manage to sneak away in the middle of the night without being murdered.
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Minus the sarcasm, I would actually expect J-Street to publish something like this. They already encourage Jews to study the Koran to build bridges between us and the Muslims (I’m all for inter-faith dialogue and good relations…but why do we need to be reading their holy book and not our own in order to do that?).
Cause their holy book is better than ours. It’s a book of peace, love and all about hugging people. And our book is a bunch of crazy fanatical things that no modern day person takes seriously.
I’m actually surprised that providing ADVICE against marrying Muslim men to Jewish women, or any women who are not Muslim is NECESSARY. The first generations of women to ever overestimate themselves don’t believe in their own capacity to f*** up and make truly bad decisions. What can you expect from a generation with a mindset that is like, “Don’t hate my 200-lb ass in the ‘JUICY’ track pants because it’s beautiful!”? Some of their lessons will be hard and I don’t want to fund them with my tax $.