Noah Feldman is a Whiny Bitch

The pundits have weighed in. The talkers have written it up and even the smug Haredi figures or figureheads like Rabbi Avi Shafran have condescended to show Noah Feldman some compassion. Not me.

Let me say it clearly, Noah Feldman is a whiny bitch.  A big whiny bitch.

Now just to be clear, I don’t mean to insult any woman by calling Noah Feldman a whiny bitch. Scratch that, your average homeless guy has more guts and self-respect than Noah Feldman has. Your average ferret has more guts and self-respect than Noah Feldman. And I mean sewer ferret.

Why am I being so mean to poor Noah Feldman? I mean all the guy wants is for his High School to feed his self-esteem by printing his notices. I mean if he had gone to a Catholic School and then joined a gay pride parade and married Steve,I bet the Catholic School would still put up him and Steve on the wall? Oh wait, they wouldn’t. So why the hell do we have to?

Now poor Nancy Boy Feldman is free to whine in the New York Times about it because nobody slapped him upside the head with the facts of life. When you leave, you leave. If you’re Amish and you decide you want electricity, you get the hell out. And you don’t come back. And you don’t whine about how the elders wouldn’t let you use an electric shaver or pager or PSP. You leave. If you have any self-respect.

But being Modern Orthodox people were nice to Noah Feldman. They said, oh Poor Noah Feldman, sure he left Judaism and married some Korean Chick but it’s too bad this pesky Halacha prevents us from including him. Now if they had told Noah Feldman to go to hell, he probably would have gotten this out of his system years ago in a college freshman essay or a bad short story where his mean Rabbi told him we had to bake Goyish blood in our cranberry juice. Instead they patronized him. They sorta let him stick around. They didn’t draw a clear line between us and him and make it clear to him that he stepped over the line and he isn’t welcome back in our lives until he changes his.

When you feed a stray dog, you either take him in or eventually he bites you. Noah Feldman bit us in the New York Times in a stupid rambling piece that throws together stereotypes with the writing ability of a freshman hammering together something for English 101. I bet if I got me a Korean girlfriend I could probably get this printed in the New York Times too as long as I bashed Judaism a lot for being mean to me, what do you think?