GPS Needed to Save Idol

Florida: In 2006, thieves stole two statues of the baby Jesus from a display in front of the Wellington Community Center — even though, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reports, the little guy was strapped in with a cable. “They’re expensive,” Paul Schofield, the village’s community services director, told the newspaper — noting that the statues cost $400 a pop.

So the village tried to do something about it this year. They implanted a small GPS tracking device on the statue — which, sure enough, was subsequently stolen late Wednesday. The tracking device was activated, and Jesus was found in a house a short distance from the community center.

“I stole Jesus,” she told police, according to the newspaper.

Now why does Jesus need GPS to be found? Shouldn’t he be able to find himself? This reminds me of Lavan looking through Jacob’s baggage in search of his idols when his grandchildren ask him, if the idols have such powers, why can’t the idols find themselves?

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The Christmas Retard of the Day: Wah Wah China is Freer for Christians than America

As Christmas approaches, the volume of CHRISTMAS RETARDS who keep claiming that any American who celebrates Christmas will get locked up and shot by the Evil Anti-Christmas Forces increases. Like the Liberals who kept claiming that if you disagree with Bush you’ll get shot, these CHRISTMAS RETARDS don’t seem to have the brain cells to process their own stupidity or notice the fact that 90 percent of the country on down is celebrating Christmas and that stores began playing obnoxious Christmas jingles three months ago.

Today’s CHRISTMAS RETARD says,

While the country with the most supposed religious freedoms cowers in fear at uttering the phrase Merry Christmas, China, the most oppressive country in the world in regard to religious freedom, joyously proclaims a hearty Merry Christmas to one and all.

Here for your viewing pleasure are Christmas Shoppers in China or as we like to ask in America, “What’s wrong with this picture?”

What’s wrong with this picture? Just that China has no religious freedom you THUNDERING JACKASS. Asian countries incorporate Western holidays as a shopping gesture. Japan has Halloween. It doesn’t mean they believe in witches. Communist Russia had Christmas too, they just removed the Christianity part from it and kept the Santa Claus part, which is all you really see anyway.

Who the BLOODY HELL cowers in fear at the phrase Merry Christmas? Just because stores say HAPPY HOLIDAYS in order to include every single potential shopper with cash to spend doesn’t mean they’re afraid of Christmas. It means they’re trying to maximize their appeal.

If you want a China Christmas so much, why don’t you move there you CHRISTMAS RETARD.

Meanwhile here in America we have a War on Christmas and we have to threaten boycotts to make retailers use the word Christmas in their promotions:

We don’t have a War on Christmas, we have CHRISTMAS WHORES like Bill O’Reilly who in between molesting their staffers and doing highly moral broadcasts about Spring Break pretend there’s a War on Christmas. A war that involves overpaid cashiers not wishing CHRISTMAS RETARDS their Merry Christmas without which their lives are a sodding ruin. Because it ain’t Christmas until that minimum wage checkout girl at Target working to get money for her parents nursing care wishes them a Merry Freaking Christmax and hands over their forty pounds of salami gift wrapped for them.

I am not defending China, it is well known that it still cruelly persecutes Christians

You don’t say, you $%^$&$% moron. Persecutes Christians? No &%^#$%# way. But at least they’ve got Santa, just like every &^%%^%$ American mall does. That must mean they have religious freedom. Oh wait, they *^&$^%%$ don’t.

Religious Freedom means FREEDOM TO WORSHIP. Not Freedom to shop at malls that wish you Merry Jeebusmas. Freedom to worship at the Church of your choice. China doesn’t have that. America Does, you ^%^%& CHRISTMAS RETARD.

When did wishing anyone a Merry Christmas turn into an insult?

A better question is when NOT wishing it turned into an insult. And the answer is when CHRISTMAS WHORES like Bill O’Reilly decided it was so and CHRISTMAS RETARDS like you took him up on it and began whining about not being wished a Merry Christmas even though you don’t even celebrate Christmas in the first bloody place.

I am an Atheist and I proudly wish everyone a Merry Christmas. If you’re not a Christian, then please accept the wish anyway.

And in return please accept my wish of HAPPY BIRTHDAY. What it’s not your birthday? Doesn’t matter. I feel like wishing you happy birthday anyway. And I’m going to. And I want everyone to wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY too. Even though it’s not my birthday and I don’t celebrate birthdays anyway. What are you engaged in some kind of WAR ON BIRTHDAYS. I demand my rights. I’ve got a lawyer. Get me Bill O’Reilly out of the shower with his loofah.

Merry Christmas does not mean the wisher wants you to get down on your knees and worship Christ. Merry Christmas simply means “Please enjoy this most festive of seasons. I hope you and your family have joy and good health. May your heart fill with good will toward all men and may there be peace on Earth.”

This is an atheist. This is an atheist after three suborbital lobotomies.

Christmas = Christ. Happy Holidays or Season’s Greetings means all that crap about festive seasons and good will. Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ, savior of Christians.

Here’s the freaking hilarious part. When the CHRISTMAS RETARD here whines about the watering down of Christmas into Happy Holidays, his justification for it does the same exact thing. Christmas is not for Atheists. It’s for believers in Christ to celebrate his birth. It’s not about vague fuzzy feelings. It’s about the birth of the Christian savior. Watering it down into some vague fuzzy feelings about goodwill is the same thing as substituting HAPPY HOLIDAYS for Merry Christmas.

Not getting that my friend, is why you are a CHRISTMAS RETARD.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if some mother in China is telling her children: “Enjoy Christmas, my little ones, as much as you can, for there are children in America who are starving to hear the words, “Merry Christmas!”

No it would be retarded, just like you’re retarded. Chinese Christians are moving to America so they can have religious freedom, only to be confronted by CHRISTMAS RETARDS who insist that they had more religious freedom in China because the mall Santa has a sign reading Season’s Greetings.

That’s when the Chinese Christian says something like Gungzouh Fai, which means “Stupid Western Idiot” and heads off to the Church of his choice, something he can’t do in China, while the CHRISTMAS RETARD moves to China where he has a choice of one Church, itself controlled by the Chinese Communist party, but he’s got a Santa who actually wishes him Merry Christmas. If only he had a brain to go with it.

Lakewood News We Don’t Care About

This is Lakewood News We Don’t Care About

Modern Orthodox Jews Discovered in Lakewood

Lakewood Mayor Meir Lichtenstein has called for a speedy police investigation after reports came of Modern Orthodox Jews in Lakewood.

“The Blacks and the Mexicans are one thing, at least they clean our toilets, but modern Orthodox Jews we draw the line,” said Rabbi Chaim Velvel Lichtman from the Yeshiva, “this abomination we cannot tolerate in our midst.”

Woman Arrested After Having Only Two Children

Golda Brucha Pensikov was taken into custody yesterday after ignoring repeated warnings about her failure to produce more children. Multiple citations as well as messages from the Vaad HaKelulos had utterly failed to move her to bring new life forth from her womb.

“She is married ten years and only two yingelach,” said Lakewood kochleffel Yechiel Weinstrasser, “surely she is eppes using some sort of birth control or something. Also once I saw her wearing denim on shabbes just like a shiska.”

Lakewood Bochur Unable to Decide Between Luach and Porn for his T-Mobile RAZR

Lakewood Bochur Baruch Goldman remains conflicted over whether to use his T-Mobile’s remaining app space for pornography or a Luach.

“On the one hand maybe the cell phone has nitzotzos that I can elevate by installing a Luach on it so I can come only three hours late to the bais medrash but on the other hand maybe it has the koichos of tumah in it since it’s made by ovdei avodah zara and so I shouldn’t try to fight it but let it serve me until the shiddech finally comes through,” said Baruch.

BMG officials claimed not to know who Baruch Goldman was and then announced a policy of pushing back Shidduchim for another year to “allow the bochurim to concentrate on what really counts.”

Lubavitch Coming to Lakewood

It has been announced that Lubavitch are coming to Lakewood to perform some sort of filthy ritual involving a giant metal statue of a menorah and semi-famous intermarried Jewish celebrities. All residents of Lakewood are encouraged to greet them with stones and curses. This is expected to bring together Lakewood’s Black and Haredi residents together over their common hatred of Lubavitchers.

Yes Virginia, There is a “Self-Hating Jews for Christmas”

A lot of Jews have a need to be somebody’s bitch. Whether it’s Liberal Jews screaming that we should vote Obama and leave Iran alone or Conservative Jews screaming that Christmas is under attack, there’s something warped in our psyche from 3000 years filled with slavery and exile. Some sort of need to find a master and bark at his feet.

When I look at Jews like this, I have no problem understanding Anti-semitism because how could you not be repulsed by people with so little self-respect as to write something like Jews for Christmas?

This sad article at Israpundit features the pathetic Jewish shills who are “fighting” for the right of the majority of Americans to celebrate Christmas. You know that “right” which isn’t under attack anywhere except in the deluded minds at WND and Talk Radio.

Over at Newsmax, Barry Farber shrieks like the whiny little bitch that he is

“In 1968 the New York Times published an op-ed piece I wrote recalling the feelings of a Jewish boy in North Carolina loving absolutely everything about the full-dress, throttle-out celebration of – not “holidays,” not the “winter festival,” not any “season” that called for “greetings,” but Christmas. Do you hear me? CHRISTMAS! And I mean Christmas in the public schools.”

So Barry, why don’t you just CONVERT and get it over with? If you love Christmas, then you love Christ which means you love Christianity. Go join your local Church and get your Santa fetish on. And stop whining about it.

So, as Christmas was undergoing its “Kristallnacht” even before the current intensified pogrom of no carols, no gifts, no Salvation Army bell ringers at Target stores, and not even the utterance of the name of this toweringly vital Christian holiday, there I was – lonely if not all alone – wishing they had contests to see which Jew knew the most verses of the most Christmas carols.

Barry, I almost feel sorry for you but mostly I want to kick you in the head. You’re the lowest piece of filth on the planet that I can think of right now. You’re comparing the beginning of the Holocaust to not being able to hear Christmas Carols.

I have a dream – “Jews For Christmas,” a vigorous movement of American Jews rising up to make sure nobody pushes around those Christians whose ancestors decided, for the first time in history, to make a unique wonderland like America, where nobody gets pushed around because of his God-loving ways. Before you other Jews rush to join me, let me warn you: This movement will be EXTREMIST.

Also to join, you’ll need to bring two dogs willing to have sex with Barry Farber. It can be any kind of dog, he’s not picky.

I say to them: “Damn right, it’s our country, too. But American Christians don’t need you to tell them that. The reason it’s our country, too, is because their Christian forefathers demanded that it be so. They were telling YOU it’s your country, too, while your great-grandfather was hiding your grandmother in the hayloft while her sisters were being raped by drunken Cossacks in Minsk.”

Yes, they demanded it! Just tell it to all the Jews on the St. Louis. Just tell it to the Six Million Jews who died while American Christians slammed the door shut. Just tell it to the people in Israel who are seeing their country wiped out because of good American Christians like Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush.

No Barry, go on screwing the pooch. It’s what you do best.

The absolute best friend the Jew has had anywhere on earth is the American Christian. If it weren’t for the American Christian, there’d be no state of Israel and no Jew left alive except for those able to fake another religious identity. During World War II, young Americans not themselves directly threatened went off uncomplainingly to give the British and the Russians much-needed help to destroy Nazi Germany.

Hi Barry Farber, I’m a history book. Watch me fit myself into your retarded mouth in the hopes of actually making my way into your brain.

Young Americans only went to war after Japan bombed Pearl Harbor and Germany declared war on America. Jews were kept out of America for the most part, those same American Christians lobbied to keep Jews out of America and in the gas chambers and then put them in D.P. Camps after WW2. Truman only agreed to a state of Israel because he wanted Jewish votes.

Now go back to the pooch, Barry.

No poet, no philosopher and certainly no historian can name a better friend of the Jewish people than the American Christian.

I don’t know, how about God? You ever heard of God, Barry? No, not the one in your manger. Never mind Barry, God isn’t for you. Go back to the poodle. And Barry Farber and the rest of this idiotic crowd can finally join Jews for Jesus, after all the effort they just spent defending Jesus’ birthday they should get free admission. I’m sure there’ll be lots of caroling and dead baby god worship for them to enjoy.

The only reason for them not to join Jews for Jesus would be that they’re too dishonest to do it.