So You’re Single? Stop Whining About It.

So today I came across another blog post by a whiny single and it’s like all the rest. To spare you the emotional pain of linking to it, I’ll just break down what singles complain about.

1. People setting singles up

2. People not setting singles up

3. People asking singles if they’re single and trying to set them up

4. People not asking singles if they’re single and want to be set up

What singles really complain about is being single. But by singles I don’t mean people who aren’t married. I mean people who can’t stop talking about wanting to meet the right person to marry. I’m single but I’m not a Single. In other words I’m not a whining neurotic obsessed ball of pain that can’t stop spewing up like a beached whale with food poisoning and a wide blowhole.

What should the “community” do for singles? Zero. Zippo. Absolutely nothing. Yeah you heard me right.

No wait, I’m wrong. The community should do one thing. It should get out of the way. It should dump the idiotic social mores and restrictions. Let people date. Let people meet up at work. Let people from different hashkafos date. Socialize boys and girls in their teenage years. Have actual dances.

Either that or match them up by random lottery, parents income, yichus and shoe size and marry them off to each other at 13. One or the other because it’s the stupid attempt to find some middle ground that partakes of the stupidity of 18th century Eastern Europe and the modern day American dating scene that’s the problem.

If you’re an average or above looking woman or an average earning or above man, there’s no reason you can’t get married. You’ve chosen not to get married, because of insecurity or refusal to lower your standards or living in Nome, Alaska. Good for you. I’m a big believer in free will but your problems are changeable.

Now don’t get me wrong. This isn’t some “Settle and Get Married” post. I don’t care what you do, I just want you all to stop whining about it.

If you want to look for the perfect mate, have fun because there isn’t one. If you want to look for someone it feels right with, remember that gamblers spend their life savings on horses and casino wheels that feel right to them. It’s an emotion and like all the other emotions bouncing around in your head, it’s the whole problem.

You aren’t going to find the perfect guy or girl. You’re just going to find the one you’ll be willing to settle for after 5 years of JDate misery and the “big revelation” then will be that you had to go through all that suffering and bad dates in order to learn to lower your expectations. Because guess what, life sucks.

The perfect guy and girl you marry will be just like the rest when the hormones wear off and the cute things they do stop being cute. Then you’ll have to learn to live with them anyway and try to like them or at least not hate them enough to chop them up and throw them off a bridge. Welcome to married life. It’s what you wanted. Now you’ve got it. And stop whining about it.

6 thoughts on “So You’re Single? Stop Whining About It.

  1. Bluma says:

    I don’t complain I just cant seem to meet nice men who will fall for me. Can you suggest any ideas for me to find a man who will love me? I just you know , I look and everything. I go on dates, they set me up and no shidduch til I am sick of it all. What am I supposed to do be single at 40? Like some loser!
    I am not a loser. Believe me some say I am very beautiful and shapely . MInd you I work out a lot! But I think men don’t appreciate my shy temprement and things. I dont talk too much on a date though I do have a lot to say. I am brigherthan the average girl I should think that would really count to men for something. I mean I wear nice clothing and I have decent shoes, bags, and I have a very nice worthwhile job in the city but also I am tznious and I dont make a show of myself ever so can yu tell me why I dont get a man when I am looking all the time? What happened to nice men cant they see nice girls at all are they blind. I dont know, I sit at night and cry sometimes and wonder where did I go wrong in all this but I never get the answers I deserve. Dont you think I deserve some answers?
    dont you?
    So if I change my personality? What about that? do you as a man think that is worthwhile for me to do? I am not sure though. And why should you have an opinion on it anyway, like I should know who you are or whatever? But then you are a guy. How old are you , can I ask? You state you are single , that’s interestng and you arent worried, that is sooooooo refreshing to hear from a man. You sound like a real man too, not a whimp like so many today. I bet you are all huh?
    Do you think I should wear maybe shorter skirts or tighter blouses?
    My figure is nice.. 35-24-34. Nice huh? So why am I not noticed. Would you notice me? I think you woul dhave to with a figure so nice but yet, mind you, I am very tznious and I dont brag at all about how nice or how smart or my college or my BJJ sem experience at all!! I mean I say I was there and I learned a lot! Oh yes, I really did and the whole EY experience, need I say more? It was just fabulous. So why am I still single.
    It isnt fair I think that I should sit and wait on the side lines as it were just because men cant be real men !
    I want a guy who is very dominant and commanding. Oh geez I love men like that. Is it getting warm in here?
    But see,, the whole thing is that I just have so much to give to a man.
    I am not selfish. I give to the poor and I take care of the sick etc. stuff like that
    I am not stranger to fun either. I have a wonderful sense of humor all my friends say that. You can ask them.
    But again does that do me any good am I married , engaged. No I am not.
    So, did you learn the martial arts in Israel? I mean I take it you are jewish from the mohel. it must be a fascinating line of work I would love to hear all about it sometimes.
    Now that I found your marvelous blog I won’t be a stranger. 🙂
    I just Love.. I adore every thing you write. 🙂

  2. samuraimohel says:

    Yeah well maybe you might want to reconsider your whole approach and do the exact opposite of what you’re doing

    stop being tznious and start demanding attention, trip strange men in the street, wear bright red clothing, throw more attractive women under buses,

    finally dump the job in the city and spend all day as a pickpocket… you can meet some really great men that way and never mention your sem again

  3. benny says:

    You don’t talk on dates. That is the problem. You have to talk. Guys don’t like girls who don’t talk. They dump them. I have friends who dumped girls cause they never spoke. As someone said to me, “I want to be able to talk to my wife!”

  4. Miriam says:

    The problem with frum society is that it tells women that men really don’t care about looks when they do. I mean just look at how many pretty girls get married off before the less attractive ones.

    If you want to find a husband. Stop being so desperate. Go out there and do activities such as pilates, horse back riding (if it interests you). Find interests.

    Get a makeover! Trust me! As a teenager I was considered “ugly” for a few years. Guys didn’t notice me and come to think of it then it was a good thing or I would have got into trouble!!!!! But I know what it’s like not to be noticed. It’s not a good feeling to be overlooked.

    Watch the show ‘what not to wear’ on tlc to get ideas of what looks will look good on you. You can adapt them to meet frum guidelines. Go shopping. Get a new wardrobe. Then go to the hairdresser and get a hair cut. If you have problem skin like I used to have (i.e. acne) improve your diet and lifestyle to deal with it. Exercise, eat healthy and use a glycolic acid peel once and again to deal with it. Wear makeup if it helps. There are places that offer mini-makeovers for $20. Makeup helps.

    Now you may be beautiful and not married! There are women like that. But most women need to put some effort in there to look good.

    And another thing. Read “Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and influence people”. They say they want all these things but really what you need is people skills to know how to connect.

  5. Miriam says:

    Oh sorry! missed the part about you being beautiful! You’re very blessed if beauty comes naturally to you! Other people have to work at it 🙂

  6. samuraimohel says:

    The Frum world today spends a whole lot of time denying what human nature is really like as it applies to them, that was never a mistake made in the Torah or in the times of the Mishna or Gemara.

    Looks are going to be one of the things that will make men notice women, but it’s not the only one. There’s a difference between being nice looking and beautiful too and beauty isn’t required. Basic hygiene, social skills and some concept of what looks okay on you is.

    So your advice is fine as far as making yourself presentable goes, but overthinking the looks is a mistake women often make on men. Yes men are more visual, but plenty of overweight and ordinary girls get married before the pretty ones.

    The trick is finding a guy you’re compatible with. And frum guys understand that marriage is long term and looks are short term, in the case the shidduch parsha often very short term.

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