I Don’t Care About Your Personal Life, Got It?

Only narcissists and crybaby bloggers blog about themselves.I don’t care how charmingly it’s written or how witty you are, your personal life’s narrative is worthless. Unless you spent last weekend skydiving from a jet while shooting up at three KGB agents before skiing down a mountain, your personal life doesn’t matter to me. And hell even if you did all that, I still don’t care, because I saw the movie. If all you have to talk about is your personal life, then stop blogging and stick to Facebook.

So spare me your stupid stories about your shul. I don’t care. The only people who find your shul stories funny either go to your shul or are scrounging around for traffic and link exchanges in your comments section. When you get right down to the stale onion soup, every shul is alike, be it Reform, Conservative or Orthodox. They’re boring.

And for the love of dirty diapers, spare me the mother’s day rants or the mommyblogging. Mommyblogging is internet AIDS, it’s the beating rotten heart of self-centered narcissism and whininess. Oh look little Yitzi is old enough to look out the window by himself. Let me take a picture, a video, write a poem about it and begin writing a self-help book that teaches mothers what to do in moments like this… and let me share it all with you! No thanks.

Did you just move to Israel? Good for you. Now prove it by blogging in Hebrew so I can ignore you.

Are you trying to find inspiration in everyday life? Here’s me not caring. Go find inspiration in that.

Did you just get out of an abusive relationship? Then why must you create a whole new abusive relationship between you and the internet by constantly blogging about it. Yes I’m sure it’s therapeutic for you but sadistic toward the other 1,000,000,000,000 using this thing.

Are you a Rabbi? Are you by any chance a “Wacky Rabbi”. Do you fly fish or ride of a motorcycle or have lots of unprotected gay sex with strange men? I don’t want to hear about it. You’re not cool, you’re just annoying. In case you don’t know it, Rabbi means someone addressing you as Greater Than Me. Calling yourself a Rabbi is retarded and trying to brand yourself as some kind of “Wacky Cool Fun-Loving Rabbi” just makes you pathetic and defeats the whole purpose. If you want to be thought of as a Cool Rabbi go learn to Rap and then bring joy to generations of kids as they make fun of your records.

Word out! Yo. Peace and don’t bother me.

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3 thoughts on “I Don’t Care About Your Personal Life, Got It?

  1. sara says:

    RED METTOL SAID IT’S NOT OK

  2. Amanda Hugnkiss says:

    we dont care about you either .

  3. ROTFLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.L!!!!!

    You wanna nnnoooooow what I haaaaad fow maaaah bweeeeekfaft? Feweal wiv miiiiiiiiiiiiiilk waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I looooooofe dov pear waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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