The 5 Flavors of Frum Rebel Bloggers

Frum Rebel Bloggers, they’re all over the place and you can’t kill em. They come in 5 flavors like M&M’s and serious traumatic injuries. And here they are.

The Whiner – The Whiner or Kvetcher has no intention of actually leaving his community and finding one where he’d be happier. Usually Chassidish or Haredi, the Whiner mainly blogs about whatever random annoyance in the Frum world comes their way. If he’s male it usually involves something in Shul or BM. If she’s female, it usually involves people asking her when she’ll get married.

Most Likely to: Blog about all the Mikvah gossip and rant self-righteously about it.

The Perv – The Perv is naturally drawn to anything the Frum world has banned. The Perv is happy to regale you with stories of picking up strippers outside of strip clubs and eating pork sandwiches in Shul, some of which may even be true. While the Perv often talks about leaving the frum world, he rarely does, and when he does he usually comes back, because the Perv is drawn to taboos and the Frum world provides him with a restrictive world full of rules to break… which is all he really wants out of life.

Most likely to: Make love to a McDonalds Cheeseburger

The Single – Not really a Rebel, the Single is usually female and generally upset because she isn’t married yet. Rants usually consist of the hypocrisy of the Frum community, how everyone else but her is married, how she wishes people would stop setting her up on dates, how she wishes people would have some Rachmones and set her up on dates. Occasional posts will involve complaints about how restrictive Shomer Negiah is and demands that Rabbonim do something about the Shidduch Crisis.

Most likely to: Be the annoying friend whose phone calls you avoid because they’re so self-involved that they drive you and everyone else away.

The Slut – The Slut can be male or female, usually in the mid-teens to mid-twenties, and obsessed with boys/girls, girls/boys. The slut looks like a bad case of malfunctioning hormones but is usually just a frum kid from a home with issues and some major self-esteem problems. The slut often has stories about lesbian make out sessions on the bus from Machane Yehuda or picking up girls at the beach in Far Rockaway, but most of those stories are usually imaginary. The slut frum blogger is mainly crying out for attention and looking for someone or something to show them some love. If they don’t manage to get pregnant before the time they get married, they usually settle down to become extremely annoying Frummies.

Most likely to: Take photos of herself in a Goth top. Take photos of himself in a wife-beater. Have a MySpace profile.

The College Sophomore – Usually MO, usually in YU or Columbia or NYU, usually very annoying. The College Sophomore has a few books by Richard Dawkins and sat through a course or two on philosophy or religion that blew his or her mind and now writes 10 page long essays on his/her blog informing the rest of us about the fallacies of the Ritva’s view on progressive material entropy. In a few years though he’ll go to Law School and discover a whole new way to annoy the world.

Most likely to: Comment at Hirhurim. Namedrop his professors.

9 thoughts on “The 5 Flavors of Frum Rebel Bloggers

  1. frumhouse says:

    You really need to host a Haveil Havalim organized into these categories. That way we will have examples of the blogs you are talking about. 🙂 You forgot about the category I belong in – old and bitter frum bloggers who have given up on changing the community and now just sit back, observe, and wait for the sweet release of death.

  2. samuraimohel says:

    yeah include me in that club, I feel old and bitter already

  3. BSGFan says:

    Please provide links to the slut blogs.

    I also fall into that category (waiting for death, etc.)

  4. samuraimohel says:

    I have no idea. They come and go, shouldn’t be too hard to find.

    Great now I’ll get lots of hits for frum sluts too. Just what I needed.

    Lots of us seem to be doing the waiting thing

  5. Shprintzele says:

    you BASTID!! How dare you mock me after I bared myself to you..soul that is.

    and BSGF fan, Don’t dare come to my blog.

  6. LO.L

    (not like you never bitch about nothin’…)

  7. This was really funny.

  8. Jacob da Jew says:

    Haha! Plenty of those “slut blogs” and yes, they do seem to come and go. I’m sure you’ve read that recent article about that girl from KJ, Gitty.

    She had a “slut blog” in which she would rant about random shit. Or that other one, “Jewish Bi-Femme” who blogged about kissing frummies. Gets old real fast.

  9. samuraimohel says:

    yeah makes you wonder how sad these people’s lives are

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