Crisismania Hits the Frum World!

I’ve got bad news for everyone. There’s no Shidduch Crisis or Molestation Crisis in the Frum world, the only crisis we’re really suffering from is Crisismania. Political Correctness has hit the Frum world in the form of Crisismania.

Crisismania is imported from the secular media’s way of dealing with problems, ratings problems, by taking a limited problem and blowing it up into a crisis and getting ass thumpingly self-righteous with it. Crisismania lets everyone be a victim, play one on TV or “speak out” on behalf of the victims (buy my T-Shirt).

Newsflash. There is no Shidduch Crisis. There were always people who can’t seem to get married or take longer to get married. There will always be people in that boat. It’s not a license to whine endlessly or play the victim. And I’m saying this as a single guy. Not getting married is not a crisis, it’s life. If you’re not happy with your life, change it or change the way you go about doing things. But you’re not a victim or a martyr.

Newsflash. There is no molestation crisis. Pedophiles will always go into teaching because it lets them be around kids and there will always be institutions that will cover up for them. It happens in every religion and time and it will keep right on happening.

Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to help individual people. What I’m saying is that the Crisismania has very little to do with helping people, and a whole lot to do with messed up people who want their own bandwagon or bullhorn.

Crisismania doesn’t help anything, it just enables a lot of bad behavior. Whatever good it does fades in the wake of the nuttiness it brings out and the nutty people it enables. If you don’t believe me go look at any Crisismania problemfrom the secular world and tell me that Crisismania made it better, like the child molestation hysteria in the secular world back in the 80’s and then look at whether all that made the problem go away or even reduced it that some Jewish bloggers are busy emulating.

What declaring a Crisis does is get everyone worked up, kickstarts fundraising efforts for organizations created to deal with the problem and then accomplishes jack. Placing a problem in proportion and looking at it realistically can solve it a lot better than screaming and giving self-righteous idiots the chance to strut around and other idiots a chance to play the victim because they’re 23 and not married!!!

Enough already. Stop declaring crisises and work on solutions.

A Very Important Message from an Autistic Young Man!

Dear People,

I have a very important messafge for you. It does not come from Shamayim and it doesn’t concern the future. It concerns me and how you people are acting.

Just because I am autistic does not mean I have magic powers or that I’m on a “higher level spiritually” than you are, whatever that means. I realize that having an autistic child is a challenge, but I am not a Nisayon, I am a human being. And taking care of a child with developmental disabilities like taking care of a child missing major limbs may be a challenge, but it does not give you license to turn me into your personal Ouja board.

Being disabled does not make me a Navi. There are no Neviim anymore. It doesn’t allow me to transcend space and time. I am not capable of predicting the future. I am sure it would be easier for you to deal with the strain and difficulty of raising an autistic child if you could pretend otherwise. I am sure it would also improve sibling Shidduch prospects to be brother and sister to a junior Navi instead of just someone who looks and acts weird at Simchas. But living your life with integrity means you don’t get such an easy way out.

Voodoo and witch doctoring got its start when primitive peoples assumed that crazy people had a direct line to the spirit world because they acted wierd. We’re supposed to be better than that, aren’t we?

I know we’re living in a difficult time now and everyone wants reassurance, but if you’re going to turn autistic children into fake Neviim, why not just go whole hog and put up a Baal statue in your backyard? It’s a technical difference at best.

P.S. I really can’t predict the future.



(For anyone who doesn’t get it, this is a reference to the idiotic MESSAGES FROM AUTISTIC CHILDREN being spread around the internet by people who really should know better. No my name is not Yechiel and I am not autistic.)

How I Spent My Shabbat Canvassing for Obama

It was just another Saturday in the middle of the Aseret Yemei Tesuvah and sure I could have spent it sitting in shul and “praying” but there was something more important calling me. Barack חוסיין Obama.

Like many Christians and Jews alike I couldn’t be blind to the recognition that Obama was the savior we had been waiting for so very long. He had an easy smile, his own bumper stickers and he promised to make it rain milkshakes everyday. What more did I need?

So I strapped on my Birkenstocks, put on a button that said OBAMA WAS A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER FOR MY SINS and said, “Sorry, Rabbi. I’m though being a Jew. Now I’m an Obamajew because it’s so much cooler. Or maybe I’ll spell it Obamajoo for extra coolness.” Then I got on the bus and began canvassing door to door for Obama.

First up was Harry Shmeckl who lives in a house next door, but he wasn’t interested. “How could you not want to vote for Obama, you old fart,” I demanded. “Don’t you know Obama is a black man. His half-blackness is an atonement for all your racist sins.”

Myrna Kochleffel down the street wasn’t interested either. I was outraged. “How could you put Israel, that racist state that kicks terrorists in the balls to the tune of Hatikvah, above the importance of electing a giant racist moron who thinks there are 57 states in the Union as President? Besides Obama loves Israel, he said so himself. What else do you need?”

So far they weren’t buying it. I decided it was because they were old and stupid. I needed to canvass some younger Jewish voters. So I headed right for the Temple Beth Shalom daycare center.

“Come on kids, you want to vote for Obama, don’t you?”

The little brats wanted to vote for someone named Pokemon instead.

“Forget your pokemans,” I said. “Your toys are made out of plastic which destroys the planet. Every time you buy a toy, you’re killing polar bears.”

The kids began to jump up and down. “Yay, we’re killing polar bears. Polar bears are dying.”

“Stop that,” I shrieked. “Look you come with me on election day and vote for Obama and I’ll give you lollipops.”

That was when George Bush’s fascist police burst in and arrested me for trying to lure kids away with candy and interfered with my free speech. When I was bailed out of jail four hours later, I decided to try an easier demographic, liberal Jewish college students just like me.

I met one on the corner. He was listening to an iPod, wearing an Arctic Monkeys t-shirt and being very ironic.

“Obama is the greatest, isn’t he?” I said to him.

“Yes he is!” he shouted at me. “How dare you question Obama?”

“I wasn’t questioning Obama! I was affirming Obama’s greatness,” I defended myself.

“You phrased it as a question!”

“It was a conversation starter,” I insisted. “I like Obama more than you do.”

“That’s not possible,” he retorted, “I love Obama more than my parents!”

“I love Obama more than my iPhone,” I retorted. He gasped, unsure of what to say. He stroked his iPod and then went for it.

“I love Obama more than every Apple product Steve Jobs invented and Arctic Monkeys too!”

I gritted my teeth. “I would die for Obama!”

“I would die for Obama too!”

It was a stalemate. We stood there glaring at each other and then we both went home and spent the night posting diaries on DailyKos.