Soho Synagogue Celebrates Greek Victory over Jews

At Soho Synagogue, the Synagogue with no visible address or prayer times, which mainly seems to hold endless posh fundraisers, finally a celebration of the authentic Hellenistic spirit.

We’ve got marble pillars, lots of liquor and babes. Pay special attention to the girls in short skirts playing music as they take you back to the glory of Greece and its defeat of the Judean interlopers. Enjoy some champagne. Flirt. Wear as little as you can get away with. Because at Soho Synagogue, the Greeks have won. And with debauchery like this being on the winning side is fun. Come redefine Hannukah at Soho Synagogue… if you can find it without a hefty check.

Religion is option. Dignity is optional. So are Kippas. A big bank account however is mandatory. This is the kind of “Synagogue” the Macabees tried to wipe out, but who says Hellenism is dead anyway?

Who really needs religious values, when you can just have money. Who needs content, when you can have style? Who needs integrity, when you can do anything and hide behind Kiruv. Kiruv demands we build an altar and sacrifice some kids on it. Think of how it will appeal to the Moloch worshipers, and then we can transition them to doing mitzvos!

Remember it’s not religion that matters, just doing random individual mitzvos, and convincing somebody to say a Bracha before he goes off with his Dutch girlfriend to drive to Connecticut. That’s how we’re gonna bring Moshiach! Not.

Whatcha lookin at Willis? Ain’t nothing pagan here.