Thank Jesus, I’m a Jew for Christmas

Tis’ the Season. Yes the season in which sacks of fecal matter with Jewish last names who identify as conservatives write about how much they love the holiday celebrating the birth of Christ.

It’s amazing to me that a few hundred years ago, Jews would stand in line facing Cossack soldiers or Spanish troops, and die along with their children rather than convert to the Faith of Christ. Jews let themselves be burned at the stake, broken on the wheel and tortured to death in gruesome ways. Some as late as the 18th century like Joseph Oppenheimer who was tortured into confessing to the most ridiculous charges, but still refused to convert to Christianity even when confronted with death.

And today all it takes is a shot at being popular with Conservative Christians to make their descendants jump up like yapping little dogs and proclaim how much they love (Christ) Christmas. “Did I do good master? Was I a good little Jewish lapdog? Can I have a treat now?

Oh no wait, but don’t you see Christmas is under attack? That’s right the holiday celebrated by most Americans. Hell the holiday even celebrated in Communist Russia is in danger! Evil liberals (Satan) have convinced people to say Happy Holidays, which kicks Christmas in the balls. Because how will people know it’s Christmas, unless everyone repeats MERRY CHRISTMAS 666 times a day? How???

Sure there are Christmas carols playing and Christmas trees everywhere. Also Christmas is a legal holiday and you can’t turn on the TV or radio without hearing about Christmas. BUT HOW WILL PEOPLE KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS? OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE OF A HOLIDAY THAT AMERICA DIDN’T CELEBRATE UNTIL THE LATE 19TH CENTURY IS BEING DESTROYED!!!

Well it’s not my cultural heritage. More to the point it’s not my damned religion. My ancestors spent thousands of years running from people who wanted them to bow to &*(*@#$# trees, statues, idols and kings. They said no, and I say no. I wear a visible Yarmulke on my head. Anyone who wishes me Merry Christmas is either

A.) blind
B.) a moron
C.) pushing Christmas on me

and my response is to ignore it. Because I’m a Jew. Not a Jew for Jesus. Not a Jew for Christmas. Not a Jew for Buddha, Allah or Obama. Just a Jew. And if you don’t like it, here’s two thirds of a Bronx cheer for you.

And if we get right down to it, Christmas is not the cultural heritage of the Puritans or America’s Founding Fathers. It’s not the cultural heritage of tens of millions of other Americans today, some Jewish, some from Christian denominations, some *gasp* Buddhist and some who just don’t give a damn.

The War on Christmas crap is the product of a bunch of Evangelical Christian pressure groups who want to feed their followers’ paranoia and shove their vision of America down everyone’s throat. But you know what, America means nothing if it doesn’t mean the freedom to believe what you choose.

I am an American and a Jew. I believe in God and He was not born on Christmas and his name was not Christ. Therefore I do not celebrate it. My great-grandfather Avraham was tossed into a furnace for refusing to bow to statues. My grandfather Daniel was tossed into a furnace for refusing to worship an idol. I can’t claim to be making that kind of sacrifice by not verbally celebrating the birth of the Christian Savior… but on the other hand what is one to make of the Jews who fail even such a simple test of faith?

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