The Wife You Shave May be Your Own

Leesten op, vait a meenute, for dis is an impotent Wife Shaving Message. I knov evyone is heving demselfs a gut taym, bud dere is en emportent ishoe ve muust disuse. Trinking. Ve all trink a lot on Purim, azoy is der mitzveh goes. But many peoples is trinking too mach, and dey is getting in terriblish eccidents, drayving auf walls and op breedges. Dat is vy meny boards filled with rebbunim haff been metaken zein to be cairful when trinking on peerim for it is a metter of shaving wives.

Yes you tink you are just having two glaizlach or four or forty fayv, lekuved yom tuv, but den you get behint de will of a Linculn Cadillac and you are posidively endandgering other people’s wives. And den dere are the leetle cheeldren who ees becoming alogolics from their Purim treenking, hanging out all deys at Kiddush clubs and billiard halls und odder gang hangouts, smaking and trinking all day. Dese iz an urgency situasion and wives must be shaved immediately.

Dat is why in concortance with many great and powerful Rabunim, next yeer ve veel mayk a non-alcuhulic peerim, with non-alcuhulic malt beverages and graype jiss to shave the wives of many peeple who would be trinking and smeshing into things all over town. The Toyre sez, Ushmartem et Nafsoyshayhem, wid means, You gotta shave your own wife. But you also gotta shave the wives of others too. So dis Purim, shave your wife and shave everyone’s wives and do not get behind the will of a car while trinking and drayve. For I can tell you now, as I am weaving and smashing through peeple’s hedges all over Lakewood, whayle writing dis on my Blackberry, it is no good to drayv dis way. So be cairful, drayve without foist trinking, for the wife you shave may be your own.

Can You Shut the Hell Up About Martin Grossman Already?

Here are the facts of the case. Martin Grossman, an apparently charming fellow with a 77 IQ and a criminal record, was caught firing a stolen\found gun by a female wildlife officer. Grossman then beat her with a flashlight and shot her to death. Finally umpteen years later, his death penalty got applied. And my inbox got jammed with pleas from Chabad and other groups to SIGN A PETITION TO SAVE THE LIFE OF MARTIN GROSSMAN.

No I didn’t sign any of those petitions. You know why? Because Martin Grossman, a convicted criminal, beat and killed a woman. Yes some of the testimony against him may have been invalid and he may have been traumatized from caring for his father and his IQ may be low and he may have been afraid and on drugs and yadda yadda yadda… but he beat and killed a woman, not that much older than him. Then he got to live for decades afterward, while she stayed dead. Until finally he got the death penalty.

I can’t express my disgust for the petitions or the self-righteousness that accompanies them. Especially from a community that normally favors tough on crime policies. None of these people would have been circulating petitions to save Martin Grossman if he was a black 19 year old who beat and killed a wildlife officer.

No all they could see was that Martin Grossman was a Yid!!! Sure he was a Yid who might have broken into your home. Who might under the right circumstances have killed one of your kids. But he did Tesuvah!!! Just like every other jailhouse killers who finds Jesus, Buddha, Allah and the Ghost of the Lone Ranger. But Martin is different!!! He’s a Yiddishe Neshome!!! So would you take him to babysit your kids? If not then, ^&#! off.

I am not against Jews standing up for our own. And you know where there’s plenty of chances to do it. Israel is under siege. There are Jewish poor around the world. There are Jewish kids who are going hungry to bed while the big Federations neglect them so they can hand out the money to more image friendly minorities. There are Jewish kids in danger, on the street, homeless, in trouble and in need of help. If they can be worked with, maybe they won’t turn into Martin Grossmans.

But there’s something sick about running out to save a murderer. And we’re not talking Jonathan Pollard here. We’re talking about a drugged up retard criminal who murdered a woman and then went off to try and burn his clothes and bury the gun he used to kill her. And insists on still dragging this embarrassing incident up as an example of Jewish Unity.

My flagging faith in our ability to unite was restored from the most unlikely source: my inbox. One day a couple weeks ago I received an email from Chabad asking — no, pleading with —me to sign a petition to save the life of Martin Grossman. Two days later another appeal to save Martin Grossman’s life appeared in my inbox. This one was from a different organization, one on the left of the spectrum of Orthodox Judaism. The next day I received another appeal for Martin Grossman from an organization on the right of the Orthodox spectrum. I was amazed. We were doing it! Groups, and tens of thousands of individual Jews, who rarely agreed on anything were uniting in a campaign to save the life of one admittedly guilty Jew. And this is the crux of that campaign and of all efforts at Jewish unity.

While Sara is having her achdus orgasm, maybe she might want to stop and think that all these organizations coming together is actually a bad thing. If these organizations rarely agree on anything, is their coming together on behalf of a convicted killer a good thing or a bad one?

Let me give you a hint. Most of these groups couldn’t unite on behalf of six million dead Jews during the Holocaust. They can’t unite for six million living Jews in Israel today? But they can get together to plead for the life of a man who murdered a woman and now supposedly feels bad about it. Achdus? No. Rishus.

Let’s recap Parshas Mishpatim. You know the one with all those laws which says, Lo Tihyeh Acharei Rabim Lehatos. Nope gang, Achdus on those terms is a bad bad thing. Achdus with evil is evil. It’s not an orgasmic moment of Jewish unity when left wing groups campaign for a murderer and right wing groups decide to join it because he happens to be Jewish.

When we hate other Jews—individuals or groups–we point to the fact that they are WRONG. Wrong in their theology. Wrong in their politics. Wrong in their conduct. Of course it’s easy to love individuals and groups with sterling character traits and viewpoints similar to ours. There can be no Jewish unity, however, without loving Jews we don’t admire, don’t agree with, and don’t even like.

Here Sara Rigler confuses Judaism with Christianity. There can be no Jewish unity without hating people who do wrong. It’s easy to go around all day with a drugged up smile loving everyone. Cults do it all the time. Judaism isn’t based on showering everyone with unlimited love because they happen to share our DNA. If that was the objective, the second Kasha during the Seder would end with a hug, instead of a Hakhe et Sinav. Instead it tells the bastard that we would have left him behind in Egypt.

Unity with evil is like adding to zero. Whatever you add, it’s still zero. And when you admit that these organizations are wrong in their theology, politics and conduct, when you find yourself on the same side as them, it’s time to wake up and reconsider your position.

There’s nothing wrong, Mr. Fleming, with Jews rallying to save a fellow Jew even though we will not be launching a campaign to save the next death-row inmate. There’s a mitzvah to visit the sick. No one, however, has the time and energy to visit every sick patient in every hospital. But if my brother or cousin is sick, I’ll interrupt my schedule and make even major efforts to get to the hospital, because the patient is my family. And as I walk to his ward, I don’t have to apologize to every patient along the corridor that I will not be visiting her as well.

There’s nothing wrong with visiting only your sick family in the hospital, but if your cousin happens to be a killer, agitating for his life because he’s your cousin is disgracefully selfish because it undermines the criminal justice system on your own behalf. There is something wrong with pretending the law doesn’t apply or suspending your own values because the killer in this case happens to be Jewish. There’s something wrong with turning him into a martyr while trying to excuse his crime, and completely ignoring the woman he killed.

That is not Jewish. That is not moral. that is not the way of Tzedek Tzedek Tirdof. That is not Emet. It’s blind, stupid and saccharine. And it’s inexcusable. There might be Jewish unity on the day that even people like Sara Rigler put away the emotion and pick up some actual standards and values, instead of treating love as the answer.

Was a Violent Messianic Jewish Cult Behind the Murder of Dr. George Tiller?

First a primer, “Messianic Jews” are usually extreme Fundamentalist Christians, often affiliated with Baptist Churches. These groups claim to have gone back to the “Hebrew Roots” of Christianity. Usually they just introduce some Hebrew words, kill a goat on an altar or practice ridiculous rituals they themselves invented such as “Davidic Dancing”.

Many of these groups are basically cults, created to promote the extreme beliefs of their leaders and sponsored by more mainstream Fundamentalist Christian churches in order to convert Jews.

The most famously violent Messianic Jewish group was the Branch Davidians led by David Koresh, who claimed to be a prophet. Such Messianic cult phenomena are not unusual, as Christian Messianic groups attract leaders who think that cloaking themselves behind Judaism, will legitimize their polygamy. Others are outright con artists who fleece their flocks and then head for the hills.

But Scott Roeder, who murdered Dr. George Tiller, not only self-identified as a “Messianic Jew” but was a member of a similar cult.

As the investigation continues into whether Roeder acted alone in Tiller’s May 31 death, members of the Bible study group have found themselves in the spotlight, showing up on the witness list for the prosecution and being interviewed by the FBI.

Those attending the Bible study describe themselves as Messianic Jews who, unlike mainstream Jews, believe that Jesus was the Messiah. Some people who call themselves Messianic Jews, such as Roeder, are not Jewish.

Messianic Jews differ from most Christian churches by observing many Jewish customs, including dietary laws and holidays.

In a recent interview, Roeder said he “had become a believer” around 1992.

“I converted, born again to Christianity,” he said. “I guess you could say Messianic, or turned to Jesus, Yeshua, as my Savior.” He said Messianic believers such as himself had gone “back to our Hebrew roots.”

So while Scott Roeder’s splinter group proved too extreme even for a Messianic Church, but the Or Ha Olam church falsely claims to be a Jewish synagogue and describes itself as a “theocracy” ruled through the “Rabbi (Christian Minister) and his advisers”. The Or Ha Olam site tries to detach its use of theocracy from that of the Taliban, but there’s an obvious reason why normal houses of worship don’t describe their leadership as theocratic.

The Vision Statement further insists that “An effective leadership is not possible unless loyalty to the leader is more important to the workers than loyalty to the organization.” Creepy much? But it gets better.

The Or Ha Olam church’s leader, a “Rabbi Shmuel Wolkenfeld”, real name unknown, reels off a biography that sounds perfect for a cult leader, claiming to have toyed with “Marxist ideology, Eastern Religious Ideas, philosophical meditation under the influence of psychedelic drugs”.

Of course right now the splinter group is disavowing Scott Roeder’s actions while claiming that it was all probably a government conspiracy. Or HaOlam is disavowing the splinter group. But the rising danger from Messianic Jew fundamentalist cults continues to rise.

David Koresh and Scott Roeder are only two examples of the extremes to which these fundamentalist groups are willing to go. And Israel is now dealing with its own problem from some of these imports like Edwin Beckford, an African-American Christian, self-proclaimed “Messianic Jew”, who has violently assaulted Jews in Israel, and whose adherents post anti-semitic videos to YouTube with titles such as “This is Why Everyone Hates Jews”.

Many people are confused by hearing the term “Messianic Jew”, not realizing that it’s a name used by various extremist Christian cults with dangerous beliefs. There are those Jews who call on Jews to “accept them” and Christians who campaign for their rights in Israel, little realizing that their children as the likeliest to be sucked into such cults.

Gawker Media Keeps Blowing that Racist Dog Whistle on Harold Ford

Gawker writers are of course really big on condemning racism… except when they’re being hugely racist themselves. Case in point, Gawker writers constantly associating potential Gillibrand Senate challenger Harold Ford with the color yellow. Today that meant a post with about 5 paragraphs mocking Ford for living in an apartment with a bright yellow room

A rep for Ford had no immediate comment on why he lives in a prison of unrelenting yellow, and how soon he hopes to escape from it.

And another using a color study to hit up the same joke.

A new study finds that depressed people generally choose a shade of grey to represent their mood, while healthy people mostly choose yellow. This proves that Harold Ford is healthy!

Now Gawker is trying to pass this as a yellow dog democrat reference, but the traditional meaning of the term has no connection to Harold Ford. But on the other hand Yellow or High Yellow is also a racist way to reference a light skinned black man. Which Harold Ford is. Which I’m sure Gawker never ever meant to reference, despite all the other racist posts they’ve run over the years.