Wow You’re Special! You must have your own dating blog!

No matter what the official explanation is (usually something about coping with the incredible frustration of going out on dates) the real reason most frum people make dating blogs… is to shout I’M SPECIAL.

That’s not always immediately apparent because they usually do a good job of wrapping the narrative up in POOR ME stories about the time they went to someone’s wedding and everyone pointed and laughed and threw dead skunks at them… BECAUSE THEY WERE STILL SINGLE. Also legendary tales of mean shadchanim and stupid dates. And all the usual recycled narrative of FRUM DATING IS TOUGH FOR SPECIAL PEOPLE LIKE ME.

It’s understandable enough that the frum dating process would make a single want to shout out his or her specialness to the blogging heavens. I’M NOT JUST A NUMBER. I’M AN INDIVIDUAL. I’M SPECIAL. I’M GETTING A DEGREE IN UNDERWATER ARCHITECTURE FROM BTE. It’s also nauseating and obnoxious.

And so the frum dating blogger usually

1. Boasts extensively of his or her secular knowledge (actual unattributed example follows)

I know Things. I know where Sri Lanka is. I know that van Gogh cut off his ear. I know who wrote the Brandenburg Concertos and I think that some of Poe’s best stories are his comic ones.

Yes well, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical. Also I’m very good at integral and differential calculus and I know the scientific names of beings animalculous. But I also shut up about it. Because knowing who wrote the Brandenburg Concertos isn’t that impressive of a feat. It just means you’re shouting I’M SPECIAL.

2. Complains about how tough frum dating is because it’s so hard to meet someone and you’re not judged as an individual and blah, blah. Of course it usually turns out that they’ve had plenty of acceptable dates whom they’ll make fun of in great detail. Because you know… they are special. Capital S, Special.

3. Has a great many rules and suggestions for dating, which are actually completely useless to anyone not dating them, because they only reflect their own personal idiosyncrasies (of which they have many, because they are Special)

4. Questions frumocity just enough to look cool, but not enough to actually fear being penalized for it. Because one of the purposes of the blog is to look cool to their own friends in real life. Or Special.

Boil down your basic frum dating blog and it consists of nothing but WHIIIIINE, BUT I’M SPECIAL. Along with healthy helpings of mockery for anyone unfortunate enough to cross their real life path. I’ve quoted one blog here, without attribution, but only as an example of the species. Male and female, they’re all basically the same.

The dating blog is how they deal with a process that forces them to question their specialness. It’s not a symptom of a larger Shidduch Crisis. It’s a symptom of self-centered and self-indulgent whining in a social media medium.

To understand just how stupid the phenomenon is, imagine people opening a supermarket blog, in which all they did was whine about how boring standing in a supermarket line is, how few things there are to do, how many weird people you encounter in a supermarket, while trying to be witty about the whole thing, as only an unemployable self-centered English major can. Now multiply that blog by a thousand and you can see what I’m talking about.

Everyone has to wait in line at the supermarket. Because no one is special. Because it’s a damn supermarket. And no one is special. Deal with it.

8 thoughts on “Wow You’re Special! You must have your own dating blog!

  1. G6 says:

    Oooh, boy am I glad I don’t write a Shidduch Girl blog.
    Them’s fightin’ words!

    But boy did I laugh………

  2. samuraimohel says:

    I should write one of those. I KNOW WHERE SRI LANKA IS!

  3. I don’t intend for my blog to be a dating blog, although other people would probably call it one b/c I talk about dating a lot. I think you’re purposely ignoring the main point of dating blogs, that people like to read them and the authors like to write them. If we were to grant you your point that everyone who has a dating blog is shouting “I’m special” (which is ridiculous). What does it say about you that you feel the need to tell everyone that not only are you more special than they are but you’re better b/c you don’t talk about how special you are? Not to mention picking fights just so you can get attention. I’m not sure, but it’s pretty pathetic. Grow up.

  4. samuraimohel says:

    People like to do a lot of things. Like mutilate squirrels. And then mix them into coffee flavored beverages.

    So I don’t know how “people like to do it” is the main point of anything. Most things people do are because they like to do them or because someone is pointing a gun at their heads and making them do it.

    Kenny G likes making music and a lot of people obviously like listening to it. This is not in any way a rebuttal to the iron clad fact that anything with Kenny G on the name is the devil’s vomit.

    I’m not more special than they are. If I was you’d be hearing about my date last night with Ellen DeGeneres.

  5. Hank Hanegraff says:

    You date Ellen? Thats not nice and its adultery since she is married now to that other girl, whatsherface.
    You should be ashamed.

    Anyway, frum dating sites are sorrowful things since frum dating is sorrowful in and of itself. Just listen in around lakewood at all the super unhappy marriages you find there.

  6. samuraimohel says:

    I’m her beard. Which is handy because I have one of the longest beards in the state.

    Frum dating is like waiting at the supermarket. The prices suck. The merchandise quality is awful. And the specials are never as advertised. Also the produce section will give you a disease.

    Lakewood frum dating is like a sex segregated supermarket where they shoot anyone who actually has a conversation with another human being with a different set of chromosomes.

  7. Hank Hanegraff says:

    You have seen the bodies stacked up in the old Jamesway? Yes its because they didnt use white tablecloths on shabbos.
    Sad that.

  8. samuraimohel says:

    They’re using white tablecloths for armbands and going door to door.

    First they came for the people with plastic tablecloths and I said nothing, because I was in the shower.

    Then they came for the people who wear baseball caps backward instead of Borsalinos and still I said nothing, because there was something good on TV.

    Finally they came for my TV, and I beat them until they decided to move to Eretz Yisruel.

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