Judaism Based on Judaism is Not Judaism

Reform Rabbi Alvin H. Reines, of Cincinnati’s Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion, turns the tables and regretfully excludes Orthodoxy from his concept of Judaism. Reines contends that there is no single entity describable as Judaism, but rather a variety of Judaisms over the ages, each fashioned to its time. Some have lingered on and now coexist, but the common denominator of most is flexibility. Reines would like to see basic unity among believing Jews under an umbrella he calls “polydoxy.” Poly-doxy’s working principle recognizes the “radical freedom” of every human being to create his own religion for his own “finite needs.” By its very nature, says Reines, this formulation excludes those, like the Orthodox, who would restrict complete human freedom with divine commandments.

And Rabbi Alvin and the Chipmunks decided that Judaism that is based on Judaism is not Judaism, but only Judaism not based on Judaism is real Judaism.

Following along, since human beings constantly change and the nature of humanity is change, any Rabbi Alvin who is based on the Rabbi Alvin that existed a year before, is not the true Rabbi Alvin. And we can exclude him from our PolyAlvinity. Because being Rabbi Alvin is not about identity, it’s about the freedom of anyone to be Rabbi Alvin.

We can actually say that everyone but Rabbi Alvin, is Rabbi Alvin. While Rabbi Alvin is the one man who cannot be Rabbi Alvin, because he’s too much like Rabbi Alvin. Retarded? Very. But this is what qualifies as Reform theology. G-d help us all.

This was 1972. It’s gotten worse since.

The Revenge of Jeffrey Smuzinick

Best known for his stint as a sometimes-melodramatic correspondent on Channel 7’s “Crime Check,” Sanchez continues his work on the station’s evening and late newscasts while awaiting a September 13 court date on misdemeanor drunk-driving charges. Though the results of one test show the newsman’s blood-alcohol level was .15 -slightly over the legal .10 limit – the test was performed after Sanchez left the scene of the accident. In January Sanchez told New Times he had consumed no alcohol the night of the accident. His attorney, Richard Essen, now says the anchorman returned home and had “a couple of drinks to calm his nerves” before returning to the scene. Essen doubts that Sanchez’s DUI charge will ever come to trial. “I think the results of the blood tests will be thrown out,” the lawyer says. “If the results of the blood tests are suppressed, then there is no evidence against him at all. The state cannot proceed.”

Though Smuzinick’s health insurance policy covers most of his medical costs, it doesn’t pay for rehabilitative care. Family members say unpaid bills for physical therapy now total about $81,000. To save money, they have removed Smuzinick from the clinic’s head-injury program. Using videotapes to learn therapy techniques, friends, relatives, and former co-workers have begun to provide a semblance of the rehabilitation program they can’t afford.

Smuzinick’s fiancee, Jackie Stringhill, says it’s just as well that Sanchez hasn’t paid a visit to Smuzinick since the accident. “I guess his attitude bothers a lot of people. But we have enough to think about. We have our hands full. We don’t really talk about the accident much any more. Anyway,” she adds resignedly, “as far as Sanchez goes, what goes around comes around.

It sure does. I don’t know if Smuzinick was Jewish or not, but either way blame the Jews. Right Rick?

Asked about the incident, Mr. Sanchez’s Ron Burgundy jocularity vanished in an instant. “I don’t see where that has anything to do with anything,” he said, and called the inquiry “a hatchet question.”

He soon regained his cool though. “Was it an unfortunate experience? Yes. Was it a learning experience? Absolutely. Do I wish it hadn’t happened? Of course,” he allowed. “I was wrong, because I had a couple of cocktails, because I was over the legal limit,” he went on. “It could have happened to anybody. … There were probably a lot of other people leaving the stadium that had had a couple of beers as well.”

Yeah they just didn’t kill anybody.

“We really want to fight for the little guy,” Mr. Sanchez said, an uncharacteristically somber look flashing, for the moment, over his boyish, unlined face. “And, in this case, I think, the littlest of guys in this country right now is the Mexican immigrant.”

Or it’s the guy you murdered with your car.

Just Calm the Hell Down

Tyler Clementi may have committed suicide because he was humiliated by his roommate. But considering the three day time difference, and his initially calm reaction, it wouldn’t surprise me too much if he was on prescription medication and experiencing highs and lows.

But his death is sad, either way. Just like the death of Emma Jones, A British student in the UAE who killed herself because her ex stole nude photos and uploaded them on Facebook. But we don’t hear much about that because Muslims are off limits and because she wasn’t gay.

Clementi is gay, so the GAY PRIDE activists are out in force screaming there’s a gay suicide crisis and HOMOPHOBIC BULLYING and we need laws to ban everyone from everything! And the media is screaming along with them. You have to go to Singapore to get a rational reaction.

But there’s no actual evidence that this was Homophobic, just the usual bullshit that college students often pull on each other. If Clementi was straight and meeting with a girl, the same thing probably would still happened. But then no one would care. He’d just be the guy who was bullied and killed himself. He wouldn’t be a symbol. He wouldn’t be a new Matthew Shephard to be drafted posthumously into promoting gay pride and screaming that everyone who disagrees is a murderer.

The real test here is how many of the idiots screaming about Clementi’s death would give a damn if he were straight. Oh look, it’s tumbleweeds.