The Revenge of Jeffrey Smuzinick

Best known for his stint as a sometimes-melodramatic correspondent on Channel 7’s “Crime Check,” Sanchez continues his work on the station’s evening and late newscasts while awaiting a September 13 court date on misdemeanor drunk-driving charges. Though the results of one test show the newsman’s blood-alcohol level was .15 -slightly over the legal .10 limit – the test was performed after Sanchez left the scene of the accident. In January Sanchez told New Times he had consumed no alcohol the night of the accident. His attorney, Richard Essen, now says the anchorman returned home and had “a couple of drinks to calm his nerves” before returning to the scene. Essen doubts that Sanchez’s DUI charge will ever come to trial. “I think the results of the blood tests will be thrown out,” the lawyer says. “If the results of the blood tests are suppressed, then there is no evidence against him at all. The state cannot proceed.”

Though Smuzinick’s health insurance policy covers most of his medical costs, it doesn’t pay for rehabilitative care. Family members say unpaid bills for physical therapy now total about $81,000. To save money, they have removed Smuzinick from the clinic’s head-injury program. Using videotapes to learn therapy techniques, friends, relatives, and former co-workers have begun to provide a semblance of the rehabilitation program they can’t afford.

Smuzinick’s fiancee, Jackie Stringhill, says it’s just as well that Sanchez hasn’t paid a visit to Smuzinick since the accident. “I guess his attitude bothers a lot of people. But we have enough to think about. We have our hands full. We don’t really talk about the accident much any more. Anyway,” she adds resignedly, “as far as Sanchez goes, what goes around comes around.

It sure does. I don’t know if Smuzinick was Jewish or not, but either way blame the Jews. Right Rick?

Asked about the incident, Mr. Sanchez’s Ron Burgundy jocularity vanished in an instant. “I don’t see where that has anything to do with anything,” he said, and called the inquiry “a hatchet question.”

He soon regained his cool though. “Was it an unfortunate experience? Yes. Was it a learning experience? Absolutely. Do I wish it hadn’t happened? Of course,” he allowed. “I was wrong, because I had a couple of cocktails, because I was over the legal limit,” he went on. “It could have happened to anybody. … There were probably a lot of other people leaving the stadium that had had a couple of beers as well.”

Yeah they just didn’t kill anybody.

“We really want to fight for the little guy,” Mr. Sanchez said, an uncharacteristically somber look flashing, for the moment, over his boyish, unlined face. “And, in this case, I think, the littlest of guys in this country right now is the Mexican immigrant.”

Or it’s the guy you murdered with your car.

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7 thoughts on “The Revenge of Jeffrey Smuzinick

  1. Mary says:

    Smuzinick? I can’t pronounce that. Could you please remove that name and substitute one that is easier to pronounce?
    Thanks,
    Love,
    Mary

  2. Rachel says:

    “Other people probably had beers, too, so that makes my DUI all right.”

    What a perfectly logical point. I should try to whip that one out the next time a traffic cop pulls me over.

  3. samuraimohel says:

    Or you could just become a local celebrity, flee the scene and claim you got drunk… later.

  4. Rachel says:

    Eh, I’ve got way too much dignity to try to make it on CNN. Anyhow, unlike Sanchez, I’m more likely to get pulled over for bumping through a stop sign than killing someone.

  5. samuraimohel says:

    I’m more likely to get pulled over for riding a zebra without a license through the CNN studios.

    More likely than driving, which I don’t do anyway.

  6. Harold Hecuba says:

    Sanchez proved himself to be an idiot an idiot REPEATEDLY on CNN. The fact that he has also done so behind the wheel of an automobile is not surprising. A deep-voiced Ted Baxter/Ron Burgundy one trick pony with a pathetic “I’m-an-oppressed-Latino” chip on his shoulder and Affirmative Action box to check on job applications. Mr. Smuzinick shouldn’t have been running around intoxicated, on the streets of Miami, but at least he wasn’t DRIVING around intoxicated.

  7. samuraimohel says:

    Sanchez is also a dead ringer for FG’s Tom Tucker

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