This is the Stupidest Thing the Washington Post Will Ever Print

This is the Washington Post. This is WAPO on pure unfiltered Grade A stupid. It’s a 3 page Washington Post column about Dancing with the Stars. I could accept a 3 page Washington Post column on the psychological damage that TV does to viewers. Or even a 3 page column from the paper’s TV critic. But that’s not what this is. This is the rants that fans post on blogs and in comments. It’s not writing. It’s agonizing. It’s a religious column from a woman who probably can’t even spell religion.

Sally Quinn has a WaPo column On Faith. Somehow it’s actually a column about how much she hates that the celebrity she doesn’t like is winning her favorite stupid TV show, instead of the celebrities she does like. I don’t see God in there. Maybe somebody else does.

The unholy (s)election of Bristol Palin

This is the kind of gag only bored methodists think is funny.

My secret fantasy is to be on “Dancing” but of course I would never dare… And Carrie Ann, regretfully: “Sally, you’re a good journalist. Why do you want to put yourself through this?”

If this is a sample of her journalism,  Sally should try dancing instead.

My husband and I are “DWTS” fanatics.

Your husband is having an affair or is gay. Trust me on this one.

We plan our social life around it, often regretting invitations that fall on the night of the show. Only in emergencies would we try to TiVo.

Why do we even make fun of the Jersey Shore cast when people like this have regular Washington Post columns?

Not only that, but I vote.  Under the show’s rules, you’re allowed to vote five times on one line. I have six lines at home and my cell, so I vote as many times as I can for my favorite. This season, I’m voting for Jennifer Grey all the way. She is by far the best dancer on the show.

My name is Sally. I am 6 years old. My favorite dancer is Jennifer Grey because she’s so pretty and I bet she smells like ponies. I hope she wins and makes everyone dance for her.

“The Situation” was much better too and was sent packing. But it wasn’t until Rick Fox got eliminated after a fabulous routine that I realized something was terribly amiss.

The ‘something amiss’ is that you’re getting all worked up over minor celebrities pretending to dance on a TV show.

We were having a dinner party and I made my guests leave the table to watch the final half of DWTS. Norman Lear was with us. Norman is not a DWTS follower but got caught up in the moment too. As the music started and I waited breathlessly to see Bristol be told she was out. I was squeezing Norman’s hand when Brandy, not Bristol, was sent home. I couldn’t believe it.

Poor Norman Lear. He’s gone from writing groundbreaking TV shows, to sitting while a crazy lady rants about her favorite fake TV shows to him, while crushing his hand.

It seemed Bristol and her partner were just as surprised. Brandy cried. I have to confess I teared up. It just didn’t seem right.

I wept too. I wept that a national newspaper is giving this inches of space while children are dying in Africa.

Bloggers, columnists and TV commentators jumped on the results.  There must be cheating going on, they said.  It was all a tea party plot. That could be the only explanation for this appalling miscarriage of justice.

Don’t laugh.

I’m not laughing. It’s more sad, than funny.

I never remember all Ten Commandments off the top of my head, but there should be one that says, “Thou shalt not cheat while voting on ‘Dancing with the Stars.'”

Also there should be one that says, “Thou Shalt Not Write About This Drivel Outside of Fan Forums”

Polls have shown that the majority of tea party members are conservative Christians. Are these Christians who are voting 300 times and not using valid email addresses? Doesn’t it offend their sense of fairness, if not ethics and morals?

What would Jesus think? Would Jesus would for Briston Palin? WOULD HE VOTE FOR HER WHILE DRIVING A Hummer? Concerned and very stupid people would like to know.

Are these the same people who voted for Sarah Palin, for many of the candidates she endorsed this past election, and will be voting for her candidates in 2012? They may well be voting for her for president.

Finally we have proof that Sarah Palin is no good. People who will stoop to voting more than the allowed five times on a stupid celebrity dancing show are immoral monsters, who are no better than the Taliban.

Perhaps Sarah Palin could say to her supporters that she hopes the stories of rigging the vote aren’t true; that she doesn’t approve of cheating and may the best person win.

Or maybe she could not waste time on something that stupid.

Whatever the reasons for this, it has left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, not only for the perception of dishonesty, but because of the perceived determination of Palin”s supporters to do anything they have to do to help their candidate.

This is like the time that people got so angry at Nixon because he canceled Charles in Charge.  And no one trusted him ever again.

This could be a metaphor for things to come. Sarah Palin is a force to be reckoned with and if her supporters can influence a TV show of 23 million viewers they can have more serious influence on elections. And if they can mobilize the religious right then the Democrats better pay attention and start dancing as fast as they can.

To garnish the epic stupidity of this train of thought, we have a Washington Post columnist who works backward from the success of Bristol Palin on a TV show to extrapolate that maybe this Palin person might actually have some support after all. Only in America. Only in the Washington Post.

And as for the people who cheated when they voted, all I can say is, “Lord have mercy!

No, putting in Lord Have Mercy, at the end DOES NOT MAKE THIS A RELIGIOUS COLUMN. If it worked that way, I could write Sally Quinn’s biography and stick Lord Have Mercy at the end.

The unholy (s)election of Bristol Palin

6 thoughts on “This is the Stupidest Thing the Washington Post Will Ever Print

  1. Name: Mark says:

    I thought this was a dance competition not a political arena. Jennifer and Derek should win and if they don’t I guess they can take the show off the air. I know I won’t watch it anymore!

  2. samuraimohel says:

    Why are you watching it now? Are you mentally retarded?

  3. Parmentier Bolivar III says:

    Dear Mohel,
    You are too cutting. Cut, cut cut, snip snip snip, that’s all you know how to do!

    How dare you strike out at my fav show.
    You can’t dance. Everyone knows Jews have no rhythm so thats why you are acting up like this.
    I think it would be good if you had a cup of tea and relaxed by watching the Beverly Hillbillies on TV. That would help your mind straighten out.
    You might also consider dancing lessons at Arthur Murray.
    As for me I will continue to read your blog because I have nothing else to do on Sunday nights.
    Thank you for your concern and care about this comment.

  4. samuraimohel says:

    I can dance. Every time I sit down on a nail, I win a competition.

    I don’t know who Arthur Murray is, but if he’s that serial squirrel molester, then I don’t want any lessons from him.

  5. Parmentier Bolivar III says:

    Pardon me, but can you help a fellow American down on his luck and stuck in Panama at the bus station?

  6. samuraimohel says:

    The Panama bus station builds character and the immune system

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