Sexual Preditor Report Issue 1

Many bloggers today in the Jewish community is talking about the VERY SERIOUS problem of Sexual Preditors. Once before no one knew about Sexual Preditors and they were able to Sexually Predate at free will. Jewish newspapers in the “Frum” world still refuse to print information about Sexual Preditors, such as that they have beards and things inside their pants they do to you with.

I have learned about this Sexual Preditor problem only very recently and am working my behind off to bring you public information about the SEXUAL PREDITOR problem that mainstream Jewish newspapers will not bring you, because they are full of advertisements instead.

Here are some important facts about SEXUAL PREDITORS everyone needs to know, whether they want to or not

1. Sexual Preditors can look like anyone

While Sexual Preditors are often Rebbes or Mikvah ladies, the truth is that Sexual Preditors can be anyone. They can be your neighbor, your proctologist or even your friendly old grandmother. Yes she looks nice, but what if she is really a Sexual Preditor disguised as your friendly old grandma?

Look in the mirror in the bathroom when you are showering. If you see two people there, the one who is not you, may be a sexual preditor. Unless you shower with other people, though this is wrong. Or you are hallucinating.

2. Avoid Sexual Preditors

This is hard because Sexual Preditors can be anywhere. Sexual Preditors can hide behind the door when you come in, and then they jump out and yell, “Boo, I am a Sexual Preditor!” and then you cannot do anything, because they have already yelled at you and made you feel bad and dirty.

Yeshivas have many Sexual Preditors so you should not go to any. I go to a Yeshiva, but every time I walk in I yell, “I See You Sexual Preditors, Go Away!” which is why I never get sexually predated much, and they usually just let me steal food from the refrigitator without saying anything.

3. Report Sexual Preditors

If you see someone sexually predating, report them right away to me. Send me an email to and whenever I see them I will yell at them that they are a Sexual Preditor, also I will post it at my blog. This will immediately get me more traffic.

4. Famous Sexual Preditors

Famous people are more likely to be sexual preditors as being famous gives them all kinds of sexual urges. So be very careful around famous people, and do not ask them for their autograph as they may take it the wrong way.

Here are some famous people who were also sexual preditors

A. All Rebbes

B. Slomo Carlibach

C. All Rabbis

D. Mordekai Ben David

E. Yeedle

F. That guy who sings that song, I forget the words, something about Kol VeNoam?

G. Everyone in Frum Music

H. That guy who hangs around the pizza store looking strange at me.

I. Maybe you? Who says you’re not? Prove it! I demand that you prove it right now!

5. Sexual Preditors is a Very Important Issue

At first I did not know what to make my blog about. At first I thought I would make it about AdSense tips, but I have no tips because I make no moneys with AdSense because I have no traffic. Then I thoguht what about driving vans. But my friend told me no one wants to read a blog about driving vans because that is stupid. So I will write about sexual preditors now and alert people to the problem and then I can get some AdSense and give people SEO tips, which I think is something sexual preditors do to you… I am still figuring this internet thing out.

Anyway if you are in Boro Park and see a Sexual Preditor, tell me about it. Also I will soon try to have a guest blog from an actual Sexual Preditor (my grandmother) to try and make them see what they tick and why?

For the Sexual Preditor Report, this is your host and protector

Moishe Heimlich

The Invisible Woman

“I am an invisible man. No, I am not a trace or a special effect. I have at least a physical referent. I have bone and flesh and sinew and gristle. I have angers and passions… I am invisible, then, not because of some accident of biology, some genetic mishap, but because of a peculiar disposition of the eyes of the people who look at me.

I would often bump up against people who, surprised at being bumped and jostled by an invisible man, would cry out and shove me. I cannot blame them, when you think you know where someone stands, of course you get angry when they turn out

to be somewhere else and you trip over them as you go about your business.”

The Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison

“EDITORIAL CLARIFICATION: From our first day of publication, Mispacha following the ruling of Gedolei Yisrael, has implemented a policy of not publishing the pictures of women even if there are no breaches of tznius associated with the picture. We are sensitive to the feelings of readers who wish to avoid looking at pictures of women in all circumstances. We feel it is appropriate to honor their wish so that they too can enjoy Mispacha magazine without lowering their level of observance.”

Mispacha Magazine

Sensitive. Feelings. Gedolim. What a great mix of modern SensitivtySpeak (TM) and FrumFallback (TM). Of course there’s no need to be sensitive to half the Jewish people who may not want to be turned into invisible people just because some readers don’t want to look at them or remember that they exist. They don’t matter. As usual only the InsaneChumra (TM) crowd does. Everyone else must accommodate their insanity.

It’s not about Tznius. It’s about the existence of women, period. It doesn’t matter how she’s dressed. Her crime is being a woman. And woman = sin. There’s nothing a woman can do to escape that, her very presence apparently causes sin, in those oversensitive souls. Once upon a time people like that would have gained a reputation for holiness by never leaving the house. Today they want to leave the house, and expect everyone else to stay home or stay out of their way.

This same warped thinking brings us separate sidewalks and shopping hours. Because if you can cut a woman out of a photo, why not cut her out of real life too?

And so we get the Invisible Woman, you’re not supposed to see her, but she’s there anyway. After all someone has to go out and work while the sensitive souls learn in Kollel and someone’s family has to pay for the house and buy the watch and the Tallit with the silver atarah. Someone has to raise the kids until the boys are old enough to spend all their time in Yeshiva and the girls can be put on the fast track to being married off to underwrite another Kollel family. She has to do all this and be invisible too.

“I am invisible, then, not because of some accident of biology, some genetic mishap, but because of a peculiar disposition of the eyes of the people who look at me.”

It’s a truly sad state of affairs when the Charedi world not only has to treat half  its population like crap but demands that they be invisible too. Because just their walking down the street or standing in a kitchen inspires sin.

These pretzels are making me thirsty. This woman is making me sinful. I’m not the one doing it. This photo of Laura Bush is. Funny that the Aseret HaDibrot only mentions married women, but coveting goes on anyone’s property. If we followed that reasoning, a picture of someone else’s house should be assur in a magazine, not that of an unmarried woman or a 10 year old girl. But we don’t follow the Aseret HaDibrot, we follow the rulings of Gedolei Yisrael, whichever of them rule something or supposedly rule it, or are intimidated by Kanoyim into ruling it.

So bring on the Lifestyles of the Machers and Rebbes, but don’t you dare show a woman in your paper.

Anyone who really can’t look at a picture of a woman should be consistent enough never to leave the house or go anywhere where he might encounter women. He either has a massive Yetzer Hara or is a Chassid Soteh. Or both. But if you’re going to drive into Manhattan, and then claim that your frumkeit prevents you from being able to tolerate women in a magazine, you’re full of crap.

“I would often bump up against people who, surprised at being bumped and jostled by an invisible man, would cry out and shove me. I cannot blame them, when you think you know where someone stands, of course you get angry when they turn out

to be somewhere else and you trip over them as you go about your business.”

It really is a sad state of affairs when women are reduced to reading something like The Moon’s Lost Light which makes the controversial claim that yes, G-d made women stupid, but since Moshiach is coming soon, they might just be getting smart enough to open a Gemara if they really want to.

Fantastic. You know that Ve’Ahavta Le’Reacha thing, it doesn’t apply to women. How about Hillel’s rule? Nope, doesn’t either.

But for a moment imagine if a non-Jewish magazine published that Mispacha photo, but instead of cutting out Laura Bush, they cut out the two Rabbis, and explained that some of their readers prefer not to look at pictures of Jews, and they want everyone to be able to enjoy their magazine.

What would that be? Right. Anti-Semitism. How does that apply to the current situation? Look up Hillel, maybe he can explain it to you.

Women are not sin incarnate. Men are not animals. If we can all agree on that, maybe we can start treating each other like human beings for a change, instead of photoshopping the First Lady out of the White House’s Kosher Kitchen while dressing in black and heading to certain private apartments in Manhattan to satisfy your yetzer hara. It’s just a thought, but who knows what could come from it.

Peace, out.

Women and Sex Have Become the Absolut Vodka Ads of the Frum World

Remember the Absolut Vodka ads that established an iconic brand by creating a cutout of a Vodka bottle. The Absolut Vodka bottle might not have shown up in the ads but it was there in negative space.

Women have become the negative space of the frum world, their very absence highlighting their constant presence.

In the Tznius mindset women have been reduced to sex and sex is the great negative black hole enveloping the frum world and reshaping everything around it. Gender segregated streets, pictures of women photoshopped out of newspapers, new tznius standards, the rise of pornography and new Kol Korehs warning about immodesty. These are the borders around the Absolut ad, the great dark space we try to avoid looking at lest we fall hopelessly into it.

Why do we fear that darkness so much? It isn’t simply a fear of women but of control. The Gedolim need to control us and we wallow in so much guilt over the excessive churmas that the darkness has come to represent our own inadequacies. The extreme has become the holy, forgetting that the other extreme of Kedusha is Kedeisha.

By turning women into sex objects in the name of Tznius, we have fragmented personal relationships and marriages and the fabric of our society. We’ve denied ourselves access to the talents and contributions of half the Jewish people and patted ourselves on the back for it for our self-righteousness, our self-discipline and self-sacrifice, refusing to admit that behind it all is fear. Not fear of women but fear of our ourselves.

Is Kedusha an Extreme or a Balance?

The premise of the frum world is that kedusha is an extreme. The further to the extreme you go and the more chumras you adopt, the holier you are. We’ve lost the idea of Kedusha as a balance you walk between extremes. The extreme is the goal.

The problem with extremes is that human behavior isn’t a straight line, it’s a circle. Go too far in one direction and you wind up becoming exactly what you hate. Kedusha means holiness but a Kedeisha is a prostitute. Both are forms of departure from the moral norm. Go too far in pursuing a holy extreme and you prostitute yourself. Don’t believe me? Take a look at Shabbtai Tzvi. Sabbatean ideas of holiness requires degradation. Filth becomes holiness.

People are more comfortable pursuing extremes than walking a balance. An extreme lets you unleash all your fanaticism without judgment or discretion and condemn anyone who won’t join in. A balance requires judgment which requires restraint.

Extremes are also a Yetzer. Conquering your own extremism requires being Kovesh your own Yetzer.