In this week or last’s week or whocareswhatweek’s Jerusalem Post, resident JPost Douchebag columnist Larry Derfner has brought welcome attention to the very grave problem that all Haredim are subhuman animals who spend all day spitting on Christian clergy. This is an urgent story that was not at all made up by a bunch of bored priests who are running low on children. It is also far more important than say the fact that Israel has turned over much of the country to a bunch of homicidal terrorists who keep trying to kill Jews.
But I have the answer. It is of course very wrong for Jews or anyone to spit on random Christian clergymen. Very deeply wrong. It’s not like you can know whether any given monk deserves to be spit on. By contrast Larry Derfner definitely deserves to be spit on.
If you think I’m wrong just take a look at this photo
That’s Larry Derfner‘s official Jerusalem Post photo and he looks like one of those middle aged douchebags who hang around the Jersey Shore trying to hit on girls half their age and talking about Springsteen all the time. You can practically smell the overpowering stench of cologne from this side of the screen.
I don’t think there’s any Haredi, Sefardi, Dati Leumi, Anglican Monk, Arab Terrorist and French Tourist who couldn’t get behind the idea of spitting on Larry Derfner.
If there’s anybody in Israel whose face just demands to be spit on it’s Larry Derfner. In just the last minute writing about him and looking at his picture, I began uncontrollably spitting at my monitor until it’s now covered in so much saliva I can’t even see the screen.
So let’s stop spitting at people in red and black who think god was a 33 year old virgin with daddy issues, and start spitting on someone who really deserves it, Larry Derfner, King of the Douchebags. Together we will discover that we have more in common than we ever realized.