You’re a Left Wing Douchebag Wannabe Rabbi – Now Make 10 Wishes

That’s what Rabbi Joshua Waxman did over at the Beliefnet Virtual Talmud blog, a blog that has zippety doodah to do with Talmud and is virtual only in the sense that it has the same relationship to Talmud that VRML has to real life.

So here are Rabbi Joshua Waxman’s wishes for a hellish new year

President Bush becomes invested enough in Mideast peace to keep pressure on the Israelis and Palestinians to talk to one another.

Wish granted. A bunch of dead Israelis coming up. For 2008 Rabbi Joshie Waxman can wish that whoever’s President decides to reenact Kristalnacht, maybe this time in his own backyard.

• Kosher certifiers stop deriding the idea of Hekhsher Tzedek (a socially-conscious certification that food, in addition to being kosher, was ethically produced)

Maybe people will stop deriding it when it stops being full of crap. I don’t think anyone wants the American Apparel Hescher, thank you very much Rabbi Waxy

• All Jon Stewart, all the time.

Hell is a limousine liberal with a remote control. “Bush really sucks”. Now go watch 4 hours of that. Notice Rabbi Josh, doesn’t mention Moshiach or God. Just give him Jesus as Jon Stewart as his redeemer.

• Anti-Semitism stops being fashionable with left-wing intellectuals throughout Europe.

Why would it when guys like Rabbi Joshua Waxman have no self-respect as Jews and desperately want the left wingers to accept them.

Jewish community puts enough pressure on Washington and Beijing to bring genocide to an end in Darfur.

I’m sure that will happen without military force right after the last black person is dead. And now ladies and gentleman, Colbert will imitate a dyslexic gazelle and say things about Republicans.

• Kevin Youklis, Shawn Greene, and all other Jewish major leaguers cleared of steroid use.

And then we can begin testing the Reform Rabbis