Creepy Bald Guy From Florida Fulfills Dream of Marrying Chinese Girl

The Jerusalem Post, the idiot’s outlet for news from Israel, brings us this compelling joyful story about a creepy bald guy from Florida with an Asian fetish who got his wish fulfilled.

The article is called “Chinese girl finds love on kibbutz” but it’s more accurate name should be about the creepy bald guy with the asian fetish who married her? Am I being unfair? Nein, because he can’t seem to shut up about how happy he is to marry an Asian chick who’s Rabbinically sanctioned. You get the idea he would have taken any Asian chick. Now I’ve got no idea if she’s on the level or not but sweaty creepy bald guy with asian fetish still creeps me out.

“For me, to have a proper religious Jewish wedding in Israel, it is a dream come true. I am very excited,” Li, 29, said prior to the ceremony.

Emmanuel, 25, said he never believed he’d marry an Asian woman until he met Li at Kibbutz Sde Eliahu’s Hebrew ulpan in May.

“I had heard about the old Jewish community of China and I love Asian women, but I thought it was far-fetched. I also thought that even if I had found a Jewish Chinese woman, the rabbinate would have never approved,” he said.

Okay Ami, you’re really into asian chicks, we get it. Hey maybe your big dream should have been to fall in love with and marry a Jewish girl, whatever country she was from, but now let’s move on.

“I came to Israel because I am a Jew,” she told The Jerusalem Post on Thursday while she was getting ready for the wedding. “I was raised knowing that I am a Jew and I made aliya because of our tradition.”

“When I started studying Hebrew at the ulpan I saw Shoshana and I thought to myself that it was nice that Chinese people come to study the language. I didn’t even think that she was a Jew,” Emmanuel said. “After a while I asked her if she would like to spend some more time together and she said that we could try.”

“No one in the world is as happy as I am. I thought it was impossible to marry a Jewish woman from China. However, it seems miracles do happen, and this is the biggest miracle of my life,” the groom said.

Yeah, what a miracle. It’s right up there with the red sea. I mean creepy bald guy with asian fetish got to marry an asian girl. Let me pause to throw up now.

Meanwhile take a look at the difference between her worldview and his. She’s enthusiastic about becoming Jewish. He’s enthusiastic he got to marry an Asian girl. Now maybe there’s a lot more to this story and the reporter just picked out the quotes that make him look creepy. I mean if I was a reporter, that’s what I would do. But maybe he just is creepy and the reporter should have tried to conceal that creepiness a bit by asking him about things that don’t involve his obsession with asian women.

More than 150 friends and relatives, including some from the Kaifeng Jewish community, attended the wedding, which was organized by Michael Freund, the chairman and the founder of Shavei Israel, a Jerusalem-based organization that helps “lost Jews” return to the Jewish people.

“This wedding symbolizes the beginning of the return of the remnants of the Jewish community of Kaifeng to the Jewish people and to the State of Israel,” Freund said. “I cannot think of a more poignant example of kibbutz galuyot – the ingathering of the exiles.”

Uh Mike, let me think of one. How about the return of Jews to Israel, something that’s happening all the time. I’m sure Li is a very nice person but she has as much Jewish ancestry as half of Europe and America does by now. If we brought everyone to Israel who had a Jewish ancestor a few generations ago, we would run out of room real fast.

Unlike the Ethiopian aliyah being campaigned for or a lot of the Russian Aliyah, Li seems sincere, which is good.

Ovada Yosef’s Chief Rabbi: Bring Millions of Ethiopians to Israel

Centuries or maybe even decades from now when Israel has been destroyed by the gang of greedy idiots running the country into the ground, it’s a tossup whether the most popular Jewish curse word will be Olmert or Shas.

Right now I’d bet on Shas which is the last leg under Olmert’s toilet coalition and whose Chief Rabbi just proclaimed he wants millions of Ethiopians to come to Israel.

“Their words imply that the immigration of millions of Ethiopians to this country is a curse. I wish millions would indeed come,” continued Rabbi Shlomo Amar, who also said he has sent a letter on the matter to Prime Minister Ehud Olmert.

Why not billions, as long as they vote Shas. Who said Israel is a Jewish state anyway? Yeah the actual Ethiopian Jews are saying these people are not Jews and they worship in Churches, but that’s okay as long as they put up Ovadya Yosef right next to Jesus.

You’re a Left Wing Douchebag Wannabe Rabbi – Now Make 10 Wishes

That’s what Rabbi Joshua Waxman did over at the Beliefnet Virtual Talmud blog, a blog that has zippety doodah to do with Talmud and is virtual only in the sense that it has the same relationship to Talmud that VRML has to real life.

So here are Rabbi Joshua Waxman’s wishes for a hellish new year

President Bush becomes invested enough in Mideast peace to keep pressure on the Israelis and Palestinians to talk to one another.

Wish granted. A bunch of dead Israelis coming up. For 2008 Rabbi Joshie Waxman can wish that whoever’s President decides to reenact Kristalnacht, maybe this time in his own backyard.

• Kosher certifiers stop deriding the idea of Hekhsher Tzedek (a socially-conscious certification that food, in addition to being kosher, was ethically produced)

Maybe people will stop deriding it when it stops being full of crap. I don’t think anyone wants the American Apparel Hescher, thank you very much Rabbi Waxy

• All Jon Stewart, all the time.

Hell is a limousine liberal with a remote control. “Bush really sucks”. Now go watch 4 hours of that. Notice Rabbi Josh, doesn’t mention Moshiach or God. Just give him Jesus as Jon Stewart as his redeemer.

• Anti-Semitism stops being fashionable with left-wing intellectuals throughout Europe.

Why would it when guys like Rabbi Joshua Waxman have no self-respect as Jews and desperately want the left wingers to accept them.

Jewish community puts enough pressure on Washington and Beijing to bring genocide to an end in Darfur.

I’m sure that will happen without military force right after the last black person is dead. And now ladies and gentleman, Colbert will imitate a dyslexic gazelle and say things about Republicans.

• Kevin Youklis, Shawn Greene, and all other Jewish major leaguers cleared of steroid use.

And then we can begin testing the Reform Rabbis

Is Seeing Titanic Worse Than Eating Pork?

From Tzvi Fishman

Several years ago, I was asked to lecture to a group of yeshiva students from South Africa. When they showed up late, I asked what happened. They explained that they had a few free hours, so they went to see a movie, Titanic.

“The Titanic!” I exclaimed. “Seeing a movie like that is worse than eating pork!”

“Since when does great cinematography override the Torah prohibitions of, ‘You shall not turn after your hearts and after your eyes to lead you astray,’ and ‘You shall guard yourself from every evil thing,’ meaning you should not look at prohibited matters by day and come to impure emissions at night?” (Avodah Zara 20B; Niddah 13A)

“Look, guys,” I told them. “I haven’t seen the movie, but you don’t have to have ruach hakodesh (Divine inspiration) to know that there is bound to be a pretty girl and a good-looking guy on board. Once the ship hits the iceberg, they have to find some way to consummate their passion before the ship sinks into the cold, unloving ocean. Am I right?”

Now there is a very specific Issur against eating Pork. There is no actual specific Issur DeOraisa against watching a pretty girl. It may be better not to do it, but claiming that it’s better to eat pork than to see pritzus is simply wrong. I realize that Tzvi Fishman is on the Kabbalistic side of things, which means in his world everything revolves around the genitals and controlling seminal emissions. But that’s not what the Torah is concerned with, that’s what some parts of Kabbalah are concerned with.

It’s perfectly possible to warn against pritzus without having to minimize actual Issurim de’oraita. Eating pork is an actual violation. Even if we are to claim that Zera Levatala is an Issur De’Oraita, a movie is not the same thing as an actual violation of the Issur.

How does the great award-winner start? We are back once again underwater. This time, we are following the point of view of the camera as it is moves toward the sunken ship and enters into a porthole. After a few mysterious turns down empty corridors, we enter an eerily undisturbed cabin. We pass by a large canopy bed and move toward a dresser, zooming in to a screen-filling close-up of a framed photograph of – you guessed it – a beautiful naked girl. And this is the movie that almost every Jewish boy in the world, from the age of eight to eighty, has seen who knows how many times.

Picture, it’s a picture. A loose sketch, for goodness sake. And I seriously doubt your average Jewish boy has watched Titanic. I watched it because there was nothing else on and I was bored out of my mind. Yes the actress does briefly pose naked later, but that’s overwhelmed by the fact that she looks like the male lead’s mother and the fact that you’ve been bored senseless by that point by a three hour movie.

That said frum people shouldn’t see it. Is it worse than an Issur De’Oraisa, no it is not. Fishman is clearly trying to repudiate his former life but he’s going to extremes to do it.